Dance Like Nobody's Watching

Blogging

2010-08-23T15:32:00.002+01:00

Now, I know I'm not a famous blogger and the fact that my posts tend to average about 1 every 3 months at the moment probably goes some way to explaining why that is. However, I do like writing and enjoy sharing my thoughts with the world whether they choose to read them or not.

I am currently writing my work's 'Social Media Policy' which is about as dreary as the weather on this Monday afternoon that I'm writing it so I thought I'd take a break to update my blog (before the policy gets written and it becomes 'illegal' to do so at work!).

Now there are blogs about anything. And so there should be. If someone is passionate enough to write about a subject, there's got to be people out there interested in reading about them. From food to fashion, dancing to driving, if you're doing it, you can guarantee someone else is blogging about it.

Which leads me on to the phenomenon of wedding blogs.

For those that don't know or didn't get the subtle hints in my update blog, I am now betrothed (awesome word) and will be becoming Mrs Alice Higgins on 8th October 2011. I do love weddings and if every other bride to be in the world is even a fraction of how happy and excited I am then good on them.

As I say, I love weddings. I love going to weddings. I love talking about weddings. I love reading about weddings. But there does come a point where enough is enough and I want to go and hide away from anything wedding related because it's all becoming a bit stressful. I don't know why I do it to myself really!!

There are some fab wedding blogs out there.

Dainty Brides(http://www.mission2wed.blogspot.com/) is great for small finds and reminding us why we're putting ourselves through this stress in the first place.

Mission 2 Wed (http://www.mission2wed.blogspot.com/) is a local girl who is getting married in 9 months and shares all the excitement that I do. I have never met her but I keep squealing when I read her posts.

And possibly my favourite for amazing ideas: Style Me Pretty (http://www.stylemepretty.com/) which I've not even really had a chance to look through yet but every page I have looked at is brimming with ideas and pretty things that I would love to be able to replicate on our special day.

This blog is not a wedding blog but there will, obviously, be wedding related stuff in it. It's part of my life and although there's plenty of time, I do enjoy thinking about it and finding nice stuff that we might be able to use. We do not have a lot of money to throw at our wedding but I think my experience in event organisation and creativity of family and friends means its going to be one hell of a party!!!

So long I hardly know it

2010-07-29T16:05:00.002+01:00

Once more I have forgotten my blog. Either that or the words just wouldn't come.
Things have changed. I've changed. Here's some things I have learned.

* You can't win every battle, choose wisely and let the others pass
* The future is always exciting, no matter how bleak things can look now
* 19 diamonds are better than 1
* I am growing up whether I like it or not
* Scary can be good
* It's okay to sometimes be angry with God. He can take it.
* Cats are great company
* Cats are their own beings and some times just don't want a cuddle
* Watching more than 10 minutes of Jeremy Kyle makes me want to throw something at the telly
* People only go on Loose Women to promote something. It's usually not worth promoting.
* I know what a labral is
* Wedding planning is good fun although sometimes slightly surreal. Hatlet, anyone?

I shall, as always, endevour to post more often.

Same old brand new me!

2010-01-21T12:54:00.002Z

I've just rediscovered my blog after a long long long time. It's now 2010 and I decided this year not to relaunch myself. Not to have resolutions that would depress me next year when I hadn't achieved them. Instead I'm going to keep on keeping on. I don't care where I am this time next year, so long as something has changed.

That is not to say I don't have goals. There are things I want to achieve this year and things that I want to progress but that's where things stop.

I'm fairly happy with where I am now. S and I have moved in together, work is okay if slightly monotonous and things are trundling along nicely.

The best thing about the future being unknown is that anything can happen.

Here's to tomorrow...and whatever it might hold.

Words and feelings in my head

2009-04-15T15:09:00.002+01:00

Things are a lot better now, I've calmed down and S and I are going away tomorrow for a few days by ourselves. No more kids or families or mother in laws. Just the two of us.

These past few days I've felt slightly agitated and restless. I've been wanting to write things down but wasn't too sure what. I've wanted to just get things out, written down. It's not particularly about how I've been feeling or any particularly poetic observations. I just wanted to write.

Part of me has been thinking about work. Part of me has wanted to plan for the future. Sitting in S's brother's house, looking at everything he and his family has has made me think a lot about the future. What my future will be like, what I want it to be like and how we are going to get there.

I make no excuses for liking the finer things in life. I know the kind of house I want to live in and car I want to drive. I'm not saying that I wouldn't be happy with less because I know that these are material things and at the end of the day, so long as Stephen and I are together with a roof over our heads and food on the table then I'll have everything I need. But why aim for second best?

I am a very positive and determind person but one of my problems is that I do not always have the plan to back up my ideas. I have a firm belief that something will happen and whilst I believe in fate and God and that we have support to fulfil our wildest dreams if we want them enough, maybe I should be doing something to make it all happen!

I guess I struggle with my beliefs. On the one hand I believe in God and believe in fate and believe that everyone has a purpose in life. On the other hand I believe that we make our own destiny and that we have to work hard and dream harder to get the things we want in life.

Thomas Jefferson is atritbuted to the quote "The harder I work, the luckier I become" and it is a mantra many millionaires stand by. Another is that "you can achieve anything if you want it badly enough." But is just wanting it enough?

I won't wait for opportunity to knock. I am bad at sitting around doing nothing. I noticed it when I was ill a couple of weeks ago. I noticed it in the first few days of my holiday. I cannot just wait for things to come to me, for life to pass me by. I want to get out there, grab life by the throat and say 'Come on then! What have you got?'

Oz Experience

2009-04-09T08:46:00.005+01:00

I am currently in Perth, Western Australia. I am visiting my boyfriend's brother who lives out here with his wife and two children. Obviously, I am with my boyfriend but his other brother and mother are also here. All together there are eight people in this house and I am the only one who is not a Higgins!

We arrived at 1am on Monday morning and it is now Thursday afternoon, we are here for 3 weeks so there is still a long time to go. I am having a wonderful time. It's nice to be on holiday. I have not had a break since I went to Rhodes with my sister in 2006. It is nice to escape the UK which hasn't seen sun in such a long time. It is nice to get away from my life there for a little while and forget about work and everything that has happened in the last year. I feel relaxed.

There are times that I have been not so relaxed. Back home I live alone and although I am a sociable person, I like my own space and peace and quiet. With eight people in a house (including 2 under the age of 10) peace and quiet does not come easily. I am worried about making a good impression on the family I have not met before. For the past 18 months I have been with Stephen, I've heard so much about them, about how much he loves and misses the kids and how important it is for me to get on with them. There is pressure to behave properly in someone else's house which is fine but does mean that I am always slightly on edge and cannot totally relax. Stephen's mother is a typical Irish mother who fusses and makes sure that everyone is okay all the time and that you do not want for anything. It is very sweet but again, can be very draining when I'd rather just be lying peacefully in silence.

I always worry what other people think of me. I don't want to be butting in on this precious family time so have to keep reminding myself that I was invited to come along. Stephen's eldest brother (who lives here) is 21 years older than me and I am desperate not to come across as a stupid kid. I don't want to annoy Stephen's other brother who seems to get worked up at everything.

I'm sure things will be okay and that it is just a case of adjusting. This is only day four and I think we are all only just about getting over jetlag. I will just relax into things and now that the kids are off school for the holidays, I think it is about time to have some fun.

Being the change

2009-03-18T20:19:00.002Z

Today made me happy. Today I made other people happy.

Within five minutes this morning two people said I had made them happy. The first was someone who I sent an email to saying thank you. She'd done something to help me so I wanted to thank her. She said that she had been having a really tough time lately and that my email had just made her morning.

The second was a very good friend who has helped me through some very difficult times. One of the things we used to do was listen to very cheesy CDs as we went on many a road trip. A couple of weeks ago I made her a CD with some songs on it that I thought she would appreciate. She sent me a text this morning saying that she was lstening to a CD and it had made her smile.

I like doing things for other people. I love christmas because I can buy lots of people presents and make them smile. I take a lot of time over presents, making sure that people love each and every one of them.

I think maybe that's why I enjoy working for a charity. I stood in the lounge at work the other day, watching the centre users chatting and laughing with each other. I was slightly overwhelmed at the thought that without the charity, without the work that I do, they wouldn't have that. It really made me happy.

Putting pen to page

2009-03-09T13:45:00.002Z

I'm actually writing this blog entry on paper. With a pen. No where near a computer. Obviously, as you're reading this, I've since typed it up but there is something quite nice about being about to put pen to paper and let the thoughts flow.

I like writing because it is slower. With a typing speed of around 70 words per minute, my fingers can quite often work a lot faster than my brain My thoughts get flustered and muddled and the words start to jump about on the screen.

I forget what I have already typed as the words are spurned higher up on the screen to make space for the new ones. Constantly moving vowels and consonants forming words and sentences almost of their own accord; taking on a life of their own, separate from the author who created them.

I like writing. I like the flow of the words as letters merge into each other, something which doesn't happen in type. I like the curls of my handwriting, the 'l' and the 'g' and the 'w'. The flair which makes these words mine. The little marks and inflections which I can recognise as mine. They are my voice on the paper, my accent translated through the pen

The typed word can seem so cold and stark. So impersonal. Like a robotic voice - no colours, no emotions. Each letter identical every time, standing alone. No mistakes, no scribbles, no personality. Anonymous words on a flickering screen.

But without typing and computers, these words would just remain here on the page. Folded in my handbag for no one to see'; quietly forgotten with no eyes to see them, no voice to speak them. At least on the screen they are out there, in the big wide world, for people to absorb - should they want to.

"Be the change you want to see in the world"

2009-03-01T15:46:00.002Z

A few weeks ago I started a new job.

I am the new fundraising and publicity manager at Worcestershire Association for the Blind.

I love it.

It is a small county wide charity that provides support, information and empowerment to visually impaired and blind people across the county of Worcestershire. The office is also a drop in centre for people with visual impairments so every day I see the good that the charity is doing and the people that it is helping directly.

The other day I watched a group of about 15 blind people do country dancing in the hall, I've heard stories about them skydiving, running marathons and playing golf. The only thing different between me and these people is that my eyes work perfectly well.

In charity terms, visual impairments is not 'sexy'. Cancer is 'sexy', animals are 'sexy', third world needs are 'sexy'. But if you woke up tomorrow and could not see, how would you now what the weather was like to decide what to wear? How would you choose clothes that matched? How would you get toothpaste on the toothbrush? How would you know your toast was cooked, or that your teacup was full of boiling water?

It wasn't until I started work and started talking to people that I really ever thought about this and now it is something that I feel really passionate about. I want to change this charity, I want to use my skills to move the charity forward so that it can be the best it can be.

I have found a revitalised passion for my work now that I am in a new role. I have remembered that I am actually quite good at what I do. I look forward to going to work every day and find it hard to stop thinking about it when I get home at night.

I feel alive again.

New year, new start, blah blah blah!

2009-01-18T14:19:00.003Z

Sitting two weeks into 2009, I'm overcome with a strange mix of emotions.

The end of 2008 was so awful that 2009 was always going to come as a refreshing change and its amazing how a few seconds on the clock can make such a big difference.

December 2008 is a month that I won't forget in a hurry. In 31 days (Well, technically 32) my life changed. On 30th November one of my cats (well, technically my parents' cats) was run over and killed. She wasn't a very sociable cat but she was part of the family and she will be missed.

I was upset by this. I love cats and as I say, she was part of the family. I found out fairly late on the Sunday evening when I was due to get up and go to a breakfast networking meeting. I was in shock when I first found out and the idea of networking with complete strangers was possibly the hardest thing I could have imagined doing. I contacted my employer to be met with a completely unreasonable response. This sent me into another panic attack and wondering how on earth I was supposed to continue at work when the simple idea of going into the office made me feel physically sick.

I need not have worried as one week later it was announced that they were making redundancies at work. In fact they were looking to virtually halve the work force. After a lot of talking with my family and Stephen, I decided to offer voluntary redundancy. I had been looking for a new job anyway and one more than one occasion I had thought about handing in my notice with no new job to go to. This way I got a redundancy package to tide me over until I found something new.

So as of 15th December, I was looking for a new job. I was asked to work my one months notice in order to hand over to other members of staff. The two weeks before Christmas are impossible to find work and whilst the original anouncement said that they wanted it to be a quick process, those who were made compulsory redundant did not find out until January 2nd.

Still, this was my escape route. No more feeling sick or angry every second I was at work. No more having to deal with people who had no respect for me and playing around with ridiculous office politics. All I had to do was keep my head down for a few weeks (which included virtually 2 weeks off for Christmas and New Year) and I was home free.

On December 22nd, my Grandmother died.

She was 89 and had been ill with Alzheimer's for several years. She was a shell of the amazing woman she had once been. I had a lot of respect for my grandmother. She had lived quite a life, in the army, in the Normandy landings, shipwrecked and as a mother and grandmother to my mother and uncle, me and my sister. We were never close. She just wasn't that sort of person and whilst the end of any life is sad, when my dad rang me to tell me, I was relieved more than anything. Relieved that she was at peace. Relieved that she was no longer a worry to my mother and uncle. Relieved that it was the end.

Before anyone really had time to think about what was happening, it was Christmas. A whirlwind of emotions followed. A mixture of what we were all feeling and guilt about what we weren't feeling. Christmas day was quiet and fairly empty. There was no champagne, no log fire. The credit crunch meant none of us could splash out on presents and Hannah was spending Christmas in Croydon with the Gordon's so it felt like something was missing. It was an okay day but given that I absolutely adore Christmas and start getting excited about it in October, it all feel somewhat flat this year.

Grandma's funeral was on New Year's eve morning. It was a freezing cold day but family and friends came to pay their respects. It was nice to see family again and introduce Stephen to them although it would have been better in other circumstances.

We came back from the funeral, spent a couple of hours catching up on sleep and then out to dinner in the evening, just Stephen and I. It was a nice quiet evening and were home by 11:30 to watch the last bit of BBC1's New Year count down and watch the fireworks as the clock chimed midnight.

I did not cry at midnight like I do most years. I was tired and just wanted to go to bed. As the minutes ticked on into 2009, I climbed into bed glad that December was over and that it really was a new start.

As Robin Sharma, my favourite inspirational writer, says "The best thing about the future being unknown is that anything is possible".

Two weeks into 2009, I know that this is true. I've left my job and although I don't have another yet, I don't have the feelings of panic and sickness that I used to every morning. I've been to the gym and eaten a lot healthier and have managed to lose 7lbs in two weeks.

I can see the future, I don't know what it holds, but it's certainly bright.

Growing Up

2008-11-27T22:21:00.003Z

I've been thinking a lot recently about growing up and revisiting my past.

Last week, through work, I ended up visiting two of my old education establishments. I started thinking about how the buildings have changed since I was there and how I have changed since I was there.

It has been ten years since I left Kings and eight since I left Sixth Form College. The buildings are very different with new libraries and learning centres, full of computers and interactive whiteboards. There's state of the art technology, new ways of teaching and new ways of learning. But what about the pupils? Are they still the same as I was? Are they going through the same things that we all went through in our school days, whatever that might mean to an individual.

Then last night I went to watch King's take on the Royal Grammar School in what was always one of the biggest events in the school year. When I was at school, it was held on a Saturday afternoon at the games pitches of one of the schools and there were a couple of hundred people who turned up to support, standing behind a bit of rope at the side of the pitch. Lots of OVs (Old Vigornians - ex King's pupils) came back to worcester from wherever they were living to support the boys. People cheered and shouted and hurled abuse at the other team and their supporter. I remember very clearly that it was 1995 when I was just thirteen that I went to my first Grammar match and in fact, my first rugby match. I remember standing next to my sister and my dad, watching the match and singing songs far too rude for a thirteen year old to really be singing.

This year the match was held on a Wednesday night at Sixways, home of the Worcester Warriors, in front of a crowd of around 3,800. The supporters were seperated on each side of the pitch, no alcohol was allowed out of the bar and everyone was under strict instructions not to boo the other team and be all sporting and generally polite. It was odd.

what was even odder was looking at this pitch of eighteen year old boys. The first team. When I was at school, the upper sixth (and particularly the first IV) were the heroes of the school. They were the one that we lusted after, the ones we fancied, the ones whose names we wrote in little hearts all over our note books. They were big and strong and so mature. But looking at these fifteen skinny, spotty teenagers, I wondered if the girls in the stands felt the same about them that I did when I was that age. Guessing by the screams not disimilar to a Take That concert and the 'Go Kings' banners that had been lovingly made for the occasions, I think that they do.

It got me thinking about my school days. It wasn't a happy time in my life and I wondered that if I went back, would things be any different? If I went back to school knowing everything I know now, would it be a happier time? Would I be more popular, would I fit in? When I went to visit last week, as I was leaving, I saw a girl standing out the Winslow Block (science) crying. She had a friend with her who gave her a hug but she looked so lonely. It made me sad to see her. I could see myself in her and I wanted to get out my car and give her a hug, to tell her that whatever is making her feel so bad now, won't always be that way.

I think that if I could go back and talk to my twelve year old self, I'd tell her not to worry. I wouldn't change anything. What I went through at school made me who I am today. It shaped me and gave me the confidence to go out and do different things, make new friends and made me into me. I don't think I'd want to change that.

Ramblings of a Sunday morning

2008-11-02T12:23:00.004Z

I'm currently lying in my boyfriend's bed on a Sunday morning. He has gone to Mass but I was too cold and feeling a little emotionally fragile so decided to stay behind. It's given me some time to think. Think about life, about what has been happening since I last blogged, about where my life is and was and will be.

Things have been hard to say the least these past few weeks. One thing after another got on top of me and I ended up having a panic attack. This scared me as I haven't had one in literally years. Stephen was with me and was fantastic. It understandably freaked him out but he just held me and stroked my hair and told me everything would be okay.

After that I went to the doctor and was put on antidepressants. I guess the day would always come when I started taking them. I've been fighting them for so long thinking I could get through things on my own but I've admitted that I can't. I don't think I'll be on them forever and the doctor agrees. I just need something, right now, to help me get back to being the 'old me'.

I have been staring at this screen for a few minutes now, deciding whether or not to delete that last paragraph. I know that not too many people read my blog, its more my own personal way of getting everything out but what if someone did read it? Someone I wouldn't normally open up to. Would they think less of me because I suffer from depression? Would this title of 'mental illness' change the way they react to me? I actually resisted going on antidepressants for a similar reason. Not because I have any hang ups about mental illness or depression, it's something I have grown very used to over the years. My main worry was that my parents would blame themselves. That this was genetic and it was their fault I'm now suffering. I don't blame them and they have been absolutely fantastic in supporting me and helping me through this.

I was also worried about what if other people found out but actually it has come up on conversation with a few people and it's amazing how many other people have been through something similar to me. I know I have a lot of friends around me who are there to support me if I need it.

I won't talk about work because that's another two page rant that I can keep for another time.

And then there is Stephen. I honestly do not know what I would have done without him these past few weeks. I don't think I would have coped. I don't think I could have even made it out of bed some days. He's been my port in this storm. I don't think he understands what I'm going through, he's not had any previous experience with it the way my family have, but he doesn't need to. He's there and he instinctively knows what to do and what to say. He holds me so tight I don't feel like anyone else can get to me or hurt me. He is silly and makes me laugh when I need it but also knows when not to say anything, when to just let me cry.

I don't know why he puts up with it. I've given him a get out clause several times and told him I don't expect him to stay with me. Who wants a mentally ill girlfriend? But he just tells me to shut up, puts his arm around me and bites my nose to make me giggle.

So, as I lay in bed (wireless Internet is honestly a fantastic invention!), waiting for my wonderful man to come back from mass, I'm thinking about the future. The present might be a bit tough for the moment but I have a feeling things will turn out okay in the long run. I just need to get through 'now'

"The Daily Forgetting"

2008-09-19T15:29:00.004+01:00

I blogged a few weeks ago about a guy called Robin Sharma and his book 'The Greatness Guide'. He's really quite an inspirational guy and just 'makes sense'. I've subscribed to his blog and get regular updates into my inbox which, more often than not, just wake me up a little and remember that no matter how bad my day is getting, that things can be clearer.

Given what I wrote in my last blog update it was interesting that today, Robin's blog said this:

"The idea I'm encouraging you to celebrate is this one: each day, as we walk out into the world, the world begins to do it's job on us. Negative people shout their negative beliefs at us. People in fear try to invite us into shared misery. Troubling news stories and horrible images are placed front and center on newspapers to get our attention. Angry commuters and stress-filled workers find their way into our orbit. And so we forget.

We forget The Fundamentals. Fundamentals like every one of us is meant to be great - in our own unique way. Fundamentals like that stranger walking down the street is just like you: he was someone's child. He hopes for some happiness. He once had dreams. He needs to be loved. Fundamentals like no matter who you are and what you do, if you choose, you can make a positive difference at work and in life today. Fundamentals like life is good. And we can find joy in the simplest of things over these coming hours. If we have the good sense to focus on them.

I guess what I'm sharing is that each day is sort of a struggle for me. I wake up, set my course, fill my well with inspiration, wisdom and good ideas. I reconnect with who I truly am and all I want to do/be. And then I walk into another reality of sorts. One that entices me to forget. One that pulls me to get off course. One that suggests that other things are far more important.

Just maybe, this is life. A daily challenge between doing what's right and doing what's easy. All I know is that the more I stand for what matters, the less I forget. The more I remember. The easier it gets."

Thank you for reminding me, Robin.

Dark times

2008-08-28T13:27:00.002+01:00

The world seems like a sad place at the moment.

The sun hasn't shined for most of the summer. Young people are killing each other on the streets. The economy is in crisis and no one has any money. The housing market is bad. There might be a new cold war. There seems to be no hope, no good news, no light.

Even in the street everyone seems to be struggling. Walking awkwardly, struggling to stand straight, weighed down by difficult bags; difficult times. No one is smiling.

Maybe because I'm struggling at the moment with work and with life that I can't see the good things. I've had some great times recently, a lovely weekend with my sister and I know I'm loved by lots of people. But the sadness creeps in and with nothing good screaming out to me from the media or the outside world, sometimes I wonder when it'll all end.

What a difference a year makes!

2008-08-07T13:35:00.002+01:00

In May last year I blogged about my Mid-Twenties criss. I was coming up to 25 and terrified about it. I felt like I hadn't acheived anything worthwhile in my first 25 years on this earth and that I was still waiting for my life to begin.

It's now two days before my 26th birthday and things couldn't really be more different.

My main issues last year were:

* I still lived with my parents

* I wasn't going anywhere in my job

* I was single

I now live on my own in a wonderful flat. It's rented because buying somewhere just wouldn't be right for me at the moment.

I have been promoted twice at work and following the resignation of my manager, I'm now leading the department. Things aren't exactly rosey and I've probably now been at this place for too long so I'm looking to move on but things are certainly different to where they were last year.

And I have the most wonderful boyfriend in the world! I could never have expected to find someone so fantastic but I have and the past 10 months together have been so happy.

So turning 26 suddenly doesn't seem so bad. Officially I'm no longer a 'youth'. I'm not in Radio 1's target audience. I'll have to tick the next age catagory on forms but hey, I'm settled where I am and excited to find out what the next 12 months will bring!

Without failiure there can be no success

2008-07-08T07:21:00.002+01:00

I'm feeling much better at work at the moment. My break for Glastonbury helped refresh me and I've been getting support from a colleague which has really helped me. However, recently something has come to light that is challenging to say the least.

I made a mistake at work and have got into trouble for it. The mistake was not entirely my fault and people are aware of that but I think that the powers that be needed to react and I was in the firing line. I'm putting my point across to them and defending myself. I'm not shirking responsibility for my actions, I made the mistake and I'm not trying to pass the blame or make excuses.

But I don't want to go into that side of things. What I wanted to say was that the whole episode, in someways, is actually quite a positive one.

I'm reading a book at the moment called 'The Greatness Guide' by Robin Sharma. It's 101 hints and tips to becoming a truly great person, both in your personal and business life. He talks a lot about failure and success and risks and mistakes.

Whilst obviously no one wants to fail, let people down or get into trouble, it has to happen. It is part of life. Failure is part of success. You can't have one without the other, just as you can't have life without death or light without dark or happiness without sadness. If failure didn't exist then success would not mean anything. You have to have the contrast.

I want to be a great person. I want to achieve my goals both in personal and work lives. I want to be a success. And I believe that I can be. Yes, I made a mistake but I'm now working incredibly hard to put things right.

And as Robin Sharma says, 'a mistake is only a mistake if you make it twice'.

Glastonbury

2008-07-08T07:13:00.004+01:00

Last week I went to Glastonbury festival for the first time and I absolutely loved it.

I went with Stephen and some of his friends, who've been every year for the past six so I was with an expert. We camped next to the Other Stage so saw a lot of bands on there, we wandered through the Green Fields, lay in the Jazz World drinking strawberry cider, we played in Greenpeace fields, we soaked up the atmosphere, we got muddy, we got tanned (well, I got tanned, everyone else seemed to get burned!), we were happy.

It was such a great atmosphere and it was wonderful to experience these things with Stephen. My eyes were wide open the whole time, seeing new things and loving everything about it. We saw lots of good bands, I saw the four I definately wanted to see and some more. We introduced each other to new music, new worlds.

And after a few days it was time to come home, ready to face the world again. But it made it a bit easier, knowing that next year, we can escape to that field in Somerset again.

"The important things in life aren't things"

2008-06-18T10:35:00.005+01:00

Things have been quite tough recently. I've not been enjoying work, I've got myself all worked up and stressed about things, my weight loss has really slowed down and everything has got on top of me.

The one thing that has kept me going is Stephen. He's made me realise that there's more important things in life than work or money or petty arguments with people. He's made me realise that the fact that we love each other and make each other smile and laugh is, in fact, more important than any of that.

Last night, after work, I drove to see him. I walked through the door and burst into tears. He just held me and rubbed my back. He wrapped his big strong arms around me and didn't say anything. He didn't try to talk or tell me everything would be alright. He didn't need to. Just holding me and letting me cry meant that I knew that everything would be alright.

Within 10 minutes he'd made me laugh. I'd found the funny side of life and my problems and troubles had melted away. For a few hours at least.

Next week we're going to Glastonbury festival. I can spend seven days away from work, away from life, living in a field, enjoying new experiences and laughing with friends and more importantly, being with one of the most amazing men I've ever met xxxxxx

If you do one thing today...

2008-05-29T16:13:00.003+01:00

Read 'Baldy's Blog'

http://baldyblog.freshblogs.co.uk/2008/05/back_our_campaign.html

Adrian Sudbury has been a reporter for both the Huddersfield Express and Chronicle Series and the Huddersfield Examiner. In November 2006 the 25-year-old was promoted to digital journalist, effectively editing the new-look Examiner website. Just two days into his new role he became seriously ill and called in sick. A week later he drove himself to A&E and was eventually diagnosed with leukaemia.

A couple of weeks ago he found out that his bone marrow transplant had failed and the leukaemia had returned. He has decided to abandon his treatment and spend the last few weeks of his life campaigning to get more people on the bone marrow register. In the last few weeks he has met Gordon Brown and been in national newspapers and TV.

This campaign means so much to him, it would be great if you could sign the petition and forward this to as many people as possible. This is what Adrian wrote in his email: "All I am trying to achieve is the following: A 40 minute talk to all second year sixth form students about why it is important to think about donating blood, bone marrow and organs. I hope this talk will become part of the curriculum and as part of that leukaemia will have to be covered. You could do so much in that time to explain why blood and bone marrow donation are so important in the treatment of this disease."

Reading this blog could save someone's life.

A rolling stone...

2008-05-07T16:31:00.003+01:00

After five weeks of eating a bit more carefully and being a bit more active I am pleased to annouce that I have now lost 14 1/2 pounds at chub club. That's just over a stone. It's also 29 packs of butter - if you wanted to think of it that way.

To celebrate I bought myself this beautiful Matthew Williamson bag. It's important to reward yourself for achieving your goals.

I'm happy. Very happy. It's not actually been that difficult. I've had fish and chips a couple of times and the odd bit of chocolate. I've not felt hungry and I've certainly not felt deprived.

And more importantly, I feel like it's the start of something. I actually feel like I can do this. I feel like I can lose more weight and reach my goal. It'll take a while but I know I have the support of my wonderful boyfriend (who seems more proud and excited and I am at my weight loss!) and that he'll drag me to the gym when I get the CBAS (can't be arsed syndrome). We're going on holiday in September and I am determind, for the first time in my adult life, to wear a bikini.

So here's to a new start...

Here I Am

2008-04-17T09:48:00.002+01:00

YES to putting in the miles while the rest of the world is asleep,
To doing what I want, when I want to do it
To pushing through the pain because giving up hurts more
YES to not being afraid to fail
To doing it for the love, not the money
To doing it for myself, my girls, my team.
YES to speeding up as I pass you at the bus stop
YES to self belief, knowing that I’m good but I can always be better
Yes to claiming my place, to challenging the rules, to playing my own game.
NO there isn’t anything I cannot do
YES to making myself heard
YES to stepping up and saying HERE I AM

Quick update...

2008-04-15T11:01:00.002+01:00

I lost another 2lbs at Chub Club last night. I'm very pleased with this as I was expecting to either stay the same or put a bit on.

I had been fairly good last week up until the weekend. I was in London all weekend for the marathon which involved eating out or eating what I could when I could. I did do a fair bit of walking and running about on the Sunday which I think helped.

I'm going to be extra careful this week and step up my activity (I'm doing a 15 mile walk myself this weekend) in order to make sure that last weekend doesn't catch up with me at next week's weigh in.

But overall, I'm fairly chuffed!!

Weigh to go!

2008-04-08T09:25:00.004+01:00

I had my first weigh in at Chub Club last night. I was nervous because whilst I thought I'd had a good week, it can be hard to tell.

However, climbing onto the scales I found out I'd lost................

7lbs! That's half a stone! IN A WEEK!!

I was so amazingly excited. It hadn't been hard, I hadn't been hungry. I'd enjoyed being in control of my eating and making good decisions.

I know that obviously the weight loss won't continue at this rate. I've got quite a difficult weekend coming up where it will be more difficult to eat sensibly and count points but it won't be impossible and I'll see what I can do.

I shall keep you posted on my progress but lets just say, I'm off to a good start and feeling fantastic!

Chub Club

2008-04-03T10:02:00.002+01:00

On Monday I took the plunge and went back to Chub Club (Weight Watchers). I have failed to lose weight on my own, despite joining a gym 3 months ago. I have failed to curb my eating habits and failed to be accountable for it, complaining that I was not losing weight as I stuffed my face with chocolate and crisps.

So I'm back counting my points and weighing everything and I am feeling quite positive. This is only day three but so far it has not been as difficult as I thought it would be. I certainly feel more in control than when I tried following it last time.

I shall keep my blog updated with how it goes, especially my first weigh in next Monday.

Here's to a new start...again

Gene Genie

2008-03-31T09:39:00.004+01:00

Today is going to be a crap day. Given the public nature of the internet I can't go into details but the next few weeks are going to be difficult, especially at work.

For the past few days I've been getting worked up about today. Whenever I think about it, I start to panic and it often brings me to tears. I know those who are important to me are thinking of me and this morning my sister sent me a text.

This text was an audio clip from Ashes to Ashes. A brilliant programme with possibly one of the best television characters ever invented: Gene Hunt!

I should hate everything about Gene Hunt. He is sexist, racist, homophobic, bigoted and generally arrogant. However, he is also incredibly sexy! I'm not the only person who thinks this either. Women of all ages across the land are swooning for this middle aged, divorced workoholic policeman and no one can really understand why!

But what I really like about Gene Hunt, apart from the fact he had some of the best and funniest lines on TV, is the fact he doesn't take crap from anyone. He is good at his job even if he is slightly unconventional about it. He doesn't take kindly to people who don't understand criticising him. He stands up for what he believes and says it like it is.

I think I can learn something from Gene Hunt. Especially today.

Right, lets fire up the quatrro

Funny man

2008-03-18T10:27:00.002Z

Last night I went to see Dara O'Briain at the Hippodrome in Birmingham. I went with George and Damo as Stephen had booked his tickets before we'd met!

It was great fun. He's a very funny man and it was nice just to be entertained for an evening. My stomach muscles ache from laughing so much and every now and then a smile creeps across my face as I remember a particular joke from the show.

He's a very funny man and I'd love to see him live again sometime.

I won't bother trying to repeat any of the jokes from the show. "You had to be there!" ;-)

Love is in the air...

2008-02-14T13:26:00.009Z

It's Valentine's Day today and for the first time for...well, too long, I am not single. I have had a lovely text of Stephen and this evening we are going out for dinner. We've both taken tomorrow off so that we can have a lie in and spend the day just being together.

Obviously when I was single I hated Valentine's Day. I was the same as everyone else saying it was a commercial holiday that didn't mean anything and that if people needed a special day in order to tell someone that you love them then your relationship can't be that good and blah blah blah. Now I'm on the other side of the fence then I feel bad for thinking like that.

Yes it is shoved in the face of everyone who is single but no more than Christmas is for non-Christians or Easter for diabetics.

Yes, Valentine's Day is overly commercialised but so are all holidays nowadays. Christmas, Mother's Day, Easter.

No, I don't need a day to know that Stephen loves me. He tells me and shows me every day and for that I know I am truely blessed

But tonight we will go out for dinner and celebrate because for me Valentine's Day is an excuse to eat lots of Italian food and drink a lovely bottle of wine and share a lot of laughs. I am not expecting flowers to be delivered to the office or overblown romantic gestures but I will continue to smile and look forward to my evening out with the man I love.

I do not want to push our love into people's faces but neither will I apologise for being happy.

If you're single or you don't celebrate Valentine's Day then fine, don't. Ignore it. But don't try to ruin my day because of it.

Look into my eyes...

2008-01-31T13:10:00.000Z

On Tuesday night I had an appointment with a hypnotherapist.

I'd actually won it in a raffle at a networking event I went to so I thought I'd go along and give it a go. After all, I had nothing to lose.

The one thing I want to change my life is my weight. I am happy with my job (most of the time), I love my flat and have a wonderful boyfriend. The only thing I'd love would be to be a bit slimmer. I know my problem...I have no self control. I don't necessarily eat when I'm hungry. I eat when I'm bored or just because I'm tempted by something or I 'fancy' it. I start every day saying 'I'm going to be good today' and by 3:30 I'm munching on a chocolate bar.

I talked to the hypnotherapist about this and she said she could help me. She gave me some practical advice about diet and weightloss and then we went into the hypnotherapy. I wasn't exactly sceptical but I wasn't pinning all of my hopes on it however as she talked me down I felt myself relax until the only thing I was aware of was her voice talking to me. I wasn't asleep or unconscious. I could have moved or come out of it at any point but I didn't want to.

I drove home afterwards and cooked dinner all the time wondering 'Has this worked?'. I ate with Stephen and stopped when I was full, leaving the last of it for Stephen to finish off. Yesterday morning I woke up and ate breakfast then went to work. I ate my lunch, worked all afternoon and came home. In the evening I had dinner then I had a banana before going to bed.

I did not eat anything between meals. I did not snack. I was not tempted by the plate of chocolate biscuits left in the kitchen, or the packets of crisps. I wasn't tempted by chocolate when I went to Tescos to collect a prescription. I was amazed.

I listened to the 'top-up' CD I had been given by the hypnotherapist last night although I fell asleep. I woke up this morning and had breakfast and have just eaten lunch, having had nothing in between.

I feel fantastic. I feel positive. I feel like maybe, finally, I've found something which can help me do the one thing I have always struggled to do.

A year of walking, weighing and wishing

2008-01-14T13:04:00.000Z

And so another year begins. I feel different this year. I'm not so full of high hopes and wishful thinking but I am positive nonetheless.

I don't really know where I want to be by the time 2009 rolls around because I am fairly happy with where I am now.

Stephen and I celebrate 100 days together tomorrow. I can honestly say I've never been happier. He's like a dream come true. He's wonderful and sweet and funny. He makes me laugh, he makes me feel safe, he makes me feel like the most perfect woman in the world.

I've just been promoted at work so whilst I'm always keeping my eyes open for what's around, I'm happy staying here for now. New challenges mean I'm not bored and I can see a future, for the time being.

I love my flat. It really feels like home - mess and all!! I sometimes struggle to keep it tidy and understand a lot more now what my parents go through! It gets me down sometimes but I get over it and blitz it every now and then. I sometimes feel that my life is too busy to really enjoy my flat but that's not really true. I enjoy it when I'm there and the rest of the time it's just somewhere to lay my head.

The one thing I do want to change this year is my weight. I feel I say this every year and as positive as I am each year, it never quite comes true. This time Stephen and I are doing it together. We joined a gym on Saturday and have signed up to a 12 week personal training programme so that we're not just aimlessly trudging round the Cardio room. I am going to do the 7 day detox diet that I did last Summer. I lost 1st in a week last time and whilst I appreciate that that was not all fat, the quick results motivated me and kickstarted me into losing even more weight so hopefully it'll do the same this time.

Hannah and I have also signed up for the Playtex Moonwalk in May. It is a 26 mile marathon powerwalk that takes place in London...at night...in decorated bras! It's to raise money for breast cancer charities, a cause close to my heart. I enjoy walking and know that with enough motivation and training I can really do this. I felt bad about the Hydro Active. I hated running so didn't really train and whilst I'm proud I completed it and really chuffed I managed to run about half of it, I felt that I could have done better. So with walking it should be better as it's exercise that I can do every day and really enjoy.

So that's it. 2008 will be a year of discovery. A year of just seeing what happens...

Update

2007-11-28T10:28:00.000Z

It's been a while since i last blogged. I'll do a proper update soon but I've just not felt like it.

It's almost Christmas time. I love Christmas and have been listening to christmas tunes on my ipod for a couple of weeks!

I've met a lovely man. He makes me very happy and treats me like a princess.

Work's still there!

End of update!

Keep on running!

2007-09-21T09:26:00.000+01:00

I’ve worked at Leukaemia CARE for nearly two years and met hundreds of runners and given advice to them but personally, I’ve never taken part in a race.

On Sunday that all changed as I took part in the Hydro Active Women's Challenge, a 5km run around Hyde Park. It is organised by the London marathon office and involved 15,000 women running for all sorts of good causes.

I was running with my sister and as we lined up at the start at 11am the nerves kicked in but as we counted down and started to shuffle forwards to the start line the nerves turned to excitement. Waved across the start line by Linda Robson, my sister and I ran hand in hand, shoulder to shoulder. We ran past some of the slower runners and people who were walking the whole distance, waved on by the crowds (and some very bemused tourists!).

As we passed the 1km mark my sister gave me the thumbs up. I grinned with pride. I hate running but here I was one fifth of the way through a race. At about 1.5km I needed to walk for a bit but told my sister to go on ahead of me. I power walked for a while then just after the 2km mark started to run again. At half way there were a lot of crowds and other charities supporting their runners which again was a huge pick up. Just after 3km I saw my brother-in-law who was our one man support team! I high fived him and jogged off around the corner feeling a new life in my legs.

The rest of the course was a mixture of walking and running, I’d developed several blisters on my feet and was feeling quite dehydrated. There was quite a big hill about 500m from the finish which might as well have been Mount Everest but once I was past that I could see the finish. My legs picked up, I started to run and with 100m to go I sprinted to the finish as the announcer said ‘Well done, Alice’ over the loud speaker. As I crossed the finish line I expected to feel jubilant and excited. Actually I felt like I was going to die and nearly crashed straight into Jonathon Davies and a BBC camera crew! I soon recovered, especially as I was handed my finishers medal and goodie bag and the elation kicked in.

I completed the run in 45 minutes which I am SO proud of. I am not a runner. I hate running. I used to cheat at cross country! But I did it and I’m glad I did. I think that it just goes to show that you can do anything if you put your mind to it.

Thank you to everyone who sponsored my sister and me, if anyone else would like to sponsor us you can do it online at www.justgiving.com/aliceandhannah

Changes - Turn and Face the Strain

2007-09-03T15:44:00.000+01:00

A lot has changed since I last blogged. It's been nearly 2 months.

Well I have moved out of the family home into my very own flat. It's lovely and it's nice to have space and my own stuff. I'm still terrified about it all but its too late now.

I feel odd today. I've been off work for a week and today is my first day back. I cannot wait for it to finish. I'm so frustrated and feel so ill. I am trying not to get irritated by everything but its quite hard!

I don't know. I thought everything would be better and that I was on the right track but actually, whilst everything is different, nothing has changed.

"Which Way Do I Go?"

2007-07-01T21:46:00.000+01:00

One day Alice came to a fork in the road and saw a Cheshire cat in a tree.

"Which road do I take?" she asked.

"Where do you want to go?" was his response.

"I don't know," Alice answered.

"Then," said the cat, "it doesn't matter."

Smoking Ban

2007-06-27T14:00:00.000+01:00

A smoking ban comes into force on Sunday. You won't be allowed to smoke in enclosed public spaces. So no smoking in bars, restaurants, clubs, offices, etc.

There is a massive, incredibly expensive advertising campaign to let people know about the ban.

Why? It's all over the news and has been for ages. There's articles in papers, thousands of leafelts anywhere within 10m of somewhere that sells patches so unless for the past few months you've been in some kind of nicotine induced coma, you know there is a ban coming into force.

I doubt there is a smoker in the country who hasn't had some smug, over zealous health freak come bounding up to them whilst trying to enjoy a brief moment of tar-related bliss wagging their finger and telling them that their days are numbered. It's not like they aren't aware that the ban is coming in.

Or is this stupid waste of government money just in case there are those out there thinking about taking it up as a new hobby!

Either way, I don't have any opinion on this smoking ban. I am an ex-smoker. I'm not an annoying ex-smoker who is 'reformed' and now preaching the gospel of fresh air to all an sundry. Nor am I an ex-smoker who hangs around smokey bars desperately trying to inhale nicotine passively or somehow letting it osmosise through my skin into my veins.

I don't care whether people smoke or not. I don't like stupid drunk tarts brandishing their cigarettes on the dance floor like some miniture glow stick as more often than not their spacial awareness is somewhat lacking leaving me a human ashtray. But the smokey atmosphere doesn't bother me.

In fact, whilst the majority of people are excited at the prospect of being able to go home from a night out not smelling of cigarette smoke, I am getting increasingly nervous about actually being able to smell the vile body odour and cheap aftershave of the no hopers who hang around town on a Saturday night.

God bless the government for bestowing this pleasure on us.

Like ships in the night

2007-06-05T10:23:00.000+01:00

Isn't it strange how there are people in your life who you recognise but don't know. People who you see as you go through your life but never actually talk to. Like the muscle heads who are always using the weights area at the gym, the girl behind the bar at the nightclub, and the people you pass every morning on your way to work.

There is one girl I drive past every morning on my way to work. She wears the same thing to work every day and walks the same route. In the summer she wears a long black skirt, black vest and trainers and in the winter she wears black striped trousers, a black hoodie and the same trainers.

Over the weekend, this girl had her haircut. It looks really nice. Before she had long straight hair with no real 'style' and now it's all shaped around her face and just looks great.

I don't know this girl. I don't know her name or where she works. But part of me wants to be able to tell her that her hair looks really nice and it really suits her. But I can't. Because she wouldn't even recognise me as all I do is drive past her every day without her noticing.

Moving on with life - My Mid-Twenties Crisis

2007-05-20T12:11:00.000+01:00

Okay, well once again I've failed to blog for over 2 weeks but never mind, eh? It's been an odd two weeks.

My sister got married. She's now Mrs Hannah Gordon which is incredibly exciting but weird at the same time. The wedding day went really quickly. I have no idea where time went or what I did all day. Part of me feels like I missed it, that it didn't really happen. For the past 16 months everything has been geared towards the wedding. Anything else that needed to be done was put off till 'after the wedding' and now it is after the wedding but all of the other stuff is still waiting to be done.

I went back to work and nothing had changed. I had nothing to work towards, just the usual things. Due to various reasons (which I could do a whole other post about!), I've now not seen my manager for over 3 weeks so I don't really have any direction at work.

I turn 25 in two and a half months and I'm having a bit of a crisis about it.

I've always been one to plan and right now, I have no plan. This terrifies me.

Whilst I love my job, I don't feel like it's going anywhere. Things keep changing at the office but not for me. I stay the same, do the same things. I don't feel like I have any support from people higher than me. I'm not paid much and I have no 'career ladder' to climb. It all feels completely in limbo.

I still live with my parents and can't really afford to move out. I love my parents but I want my own space. But could I cope with living on my own? I get really lonely sometimes but at the same time don't have any friends I'd want to live with, I like being on my own sometimes.

I can't really afford to buy somewhere due to the wonderful way the property market is in this country but renting seems like throwing money away. Plus on my own with my crap wage, I can't really afford anywhere half decent and I don't want to live in a hole.

And as for other life plans: husbands, kids etc. That doesn't look like it's happening any time soon. I was seeing a guy who turned out to be an arsehole. I'm not heartbroken, it wasn't exactly a long term thing but I just feel stupid for believing that he was a nice guy when clearly he wasn't. Hannah got engaged when she was 25 and whilst I know I don't have to compare myself to her, it scares me how different my life is.

So there you go, I'm about to turn 25 and am absolutely terrified about it.

My Big Sis

2007-05-04T14:21:00.000+01:00

In 24 hours my sister will no longer be Hannah Watts. She'll be Mrs Hannah Gordon.

I'm so excited by this but at the same time it doesn't all seem real.

I'm ready for the wedding. I've had my hair cut and my skin tanned. I've had body hair removed and been wrapped in gel and bandages. I've had my nails extended and feet scrubbed. I've got my dress and shoes and jewellery. The orders of service are ready, the menus are printed, the place cards are being written. It's all happening but somehow I can't get it into my head that my big sister, my best friend, is getting married tomorrow.

I'm excited. I am excited because weddings are fun and I love a big party. I am excited because my sister is going to look beautiful. I'm excited because I get a pretty dress and have my hair done. I'm excited because my sister has found someone to share her life with, someone who completes her and makes her happy. I'm excited because I get to have a brother, someone to look out for me (he's already started by giving Hannah the third degree about the guy I'm seeing!).

I don't think it'll seem real until we're outside the church. But it'll be good.

Death, selfishness and grief by the book

2007-04-08T19:30:00.000+01:00

Last weekend my Granddad died. It was sudden but I suppose, given that he was in his late eighties, not entirely unexpected.

I am incredibly upset by his death. I loved him so much and have so many happy memories. When I was growing up he used to let me get away with murder! He'd shower me and my sister with presents and we'd go to the drive through McDonalds and take their dog for walks on Cannock Chase. I used to comb his hair whilst he sat on the chair. I used to drink tea from my Errol the Hamster mug and have penguins or kit kats from the pantry. He would tell me stories about all the jobs he'd done and the people he'd met. He'd talk about his time in the war and when he met my Gran.

And now there won't be any more of that.

In all honesty there hadn't been much of that for quite a while but somehow I feel cheated. I feel like I wasn't given a chance to say goodbye and tell him how much I loved him and what he meant to me. When my other Grandpa died and when my Gran died they'd been ill for a long time and we knew it was the end. This was supposed to be a Sunday like any other Sunday when Daddy had simply gone to see him to do his duteous son bit.

But for as much as I loved him, when I was told he'd died, my first thought wasn't one of sadness or shock, it was purely selfish. All I could think was what bad timing it was. In the next few weeks there's a lot going on. Things are very busy at work, it's my sister's hen do and then wedding. My first thought was that I didn't have time for grief.

Maybe some part of this was to do with my job. I face death as a fairly common occurrence with work and not only have been taught how to deal with it but have an NVQ in Bereavement Counselling. I know how you are 'supposed' to grieve. I know the stages and I know what's normal and what's abnormal grief and yet I don't feel like that. I feel as though I should be ticking the boxes as I go through stages but I'm not.

I don't feel anything. I'm not overwhelmed with grief, I'm not sad and crying 24 hours a day. I'm not even thinking about it that much. When I'm at work I think of work things and when I'm at home I think of what's on telly or what's for supper or what washing I need to do. I do cry, but often its triggered by something completely unrelated.

I feel like I'm still waiting for it to hit me. I'm worried that after my sister's wedding at the beginning of May, when I finally stop and take a deep breath, that that's when I won't be able to cope.

Nothing like a bit of Sunshine

2007-03-14T13:39:00.000Z

The sun is shining and its relatively warm. This means its spring and there is nothing which makes me happier. Not only does it mean longer days and warmer weather but I look damn sexy in my sunglasses!

So, it's time to roll the car windows down, turn up the music and get ready for the summer.

For the first time in a long time, I'm feeling truely positive.

Lack of blogging

2007-02-12T12:36:00.000Z

I've not felt like blogging much recently. I keep checking back on it thinking someone might have done it for me. Like someone else can just take my thoughts out of my brain and type them out in some vaguely elloquant form on my behalf!

There's been several things I've contemplated blogging on. Here's a brief round up:

* It snowed. It took me 9 1/2 hours to get to and from London. But hey, it was a day out the office. I don't understand how the underground gets so messed up by a bit of snow. Especially when the majority of it is, as the name suggests, UNDER GROUND.

* I hate my job. I'm sick of it. Actually no. I'm sick of the people I work for. I'm sick of not being trusted. I'm sick of people having no belief in me and not being able to contemplate for just a second that I might actually be good at my job.

* We have a new kitten. He's called Harry. He's 4 months old and exceptionally cute (pictures to follow!). Unfortunately he doesn't understand how much his claws and teeth hurt against human skin and therefore the little terrorist has covered me with scratches and puncture marks!

That's about it, I think. I don't want to delve any deeper into my subconscious as whenever I do my entire body gets covered in a rush of absolute dread.

Jade Goody

2007-01-17T22:14:00.000Z

I hate Jade Goody.

I believe she represents everything that is wrong with society today and living proof that television has reached it's lowest form and the people it is reaching out to are only able to communicate through some ug-language and in doing so undo thousands of years of evoultion and labour.

Jade Goody is the flakiest scab of celebrities which should be peeled off and flicked triamphantly towards the waste paper bin of eternity.

In 2002 (yes, nearly FIVE years ago), Jade Goody went into the Big Brother house. I like Big Brother. It entertains me. It's like having pets you don't have to feed. But I don't think that Big Brother should encourage anyone into the false pretense that 'real people' have of the requisites of fame. They should come along, entertain us for the summer, have a bit of publicity and then go back to some vaguely normal life and leave 'being a celebrity' to those who have a bit of talent.

There was a brief lived television series called 'What Jade Did Next'. It seemed a slightly bizarre when no one had previously bothered to answer the question of what the hell Jade ever did in the first place but now, whenever I see Jade Goody on the cover of OK! or Heat or any tabloid or even, heaven forbid, back on the television screen polluting my ear drums with her vile Bermondsy twang, I have an overwhelming urge to scream 'WHY ARE YOU STILL HERE?!?'

On the one hand you almost have to respect her. The woman has made millions for doing absolutely bugger all. She's managed to fool a large number people into caring what is going on in her life.

Apparently Jade's 'charm' is that she's 'real'. A slightly ironic statement when you consider the amount of plastic surgery she's had. Maybe it's the fact that she's 'working class', a phrase which the tabloids seem so difficult to define in an age where we're all supposed to be whipping up Nigella Lawson delights and working on our decking at the weekend. Maybe is shows us that Jade still eats pie and chips with her mates and swaps cheery banter with the green grocer and clings to all the vestiages of a lost age. If Jade is 'working class' then the working classes are demanding agents and memberships to Soho House and Cartier watches?

It worries me that every struggling school kid and now say 'Look at Jade. She can barely read, can't spell, struggles to add up and now she's buying a BMW and a flat in Primrose Hill'.

Of course for millions its just another promise the tabloids can't deliver. Jade is the spawn of the tabloid world, oblivious to the world, books and outside knowledge. And now, like some demented modern farmer, the tabloids are starting to feed themselves on their own diseased product. It is like a mother complaining that the child she's brought up on a diet of pure fizzy drinks and McDonalds is now fat and acned.

Jade has entered 'Celebrity Big Brother' and all hell has broken loose. With every day that passes I can imagine Jade's publicists have less and less hair as they all watch helplessly screaming 'Just stop talking' at the television screen.

I am sitting back watching it unfold and secretly hoping that the very television programme that launched Jade into this inexplicable superstar will be the very thing that leads to her ultimate demise.

It's a beautiful irony.

2006 - The Year That Was

2006-12-28T21:14:00.000Z

Okay so Christmas is over. The mince pies are all gone, the Quality Street is almost empty (apart from the boring toffee penny ones), the comb, moustache, fake plastic nail-through-finger and spinning top from the crackers are over the dining table along with the salt and pepper and other stuff we couldn't be bothered to put away after christmas dinner. We've had a sleep and played a quiz and now it's time to turn our attention to the fact that in four days time 2006 will be over and consigned to the history books as the year that was.

And how better to reflect upon 2006 than with a cheesy quiz that someone emailed to me...

1) Where did you begin 2006? In Cathy's flat drinking pints of vodka and diet coke, eating chinese and playing music DVD quizes!

2) What was your status by Valentine's Day? Single. Someone later told me they wanted to send me a card but had no idea how to get it to me!

3) Were you in school (anytime this year)? Nope. I've worked all year. In the same job!

5) Did you have to go to the hospital? Not for treatment

6) Did you have any encounters with the police? Only through work. Not cos I'd done anything naughty! I'm a good girl!

7) Where did you go on holiday? Rhodes, with my sister. Also went to Albi (France) for a rugby game and on a rugby torunament in Reading.

8) What did you purchase that was over £500? Other than my holiday, nothing. My season ticket was just over £300

9) Did you know anybody who got married? Yep, Camilla and Chris got married. And Dave and Vicky (but I didn't go to that one)

10) Did you know anybody who passed away? Yes. Sadly.

11) Have you run into anybody you left high school with? Yes. Not that I really remembered him!

12) Did you move anywhere? Nope

13) What sporting events did you go to?Well I went to the odd Warriors match. Also went to the Guinness Premiership Final (which was good) and the Middlesex Sevens (Not so good!)

14) What was the best concert/show did you go to? I don't think I went to one. That seems quite sad. I wanted to go see Paulo Nutini but couldn't because of work.

15) Are you registered to vote? Yes

16) Who did you want to win Big Brother? Pete - He was cool.

17) Where do you live now? Worcester

18) Describe your birthday. I didn't really do anything on my actual birthday. Went out for a nice meal with parents. Couple of days later was the first pre-season at the rugby so I celebrated with my friends at that.

19) What's the one thing you thought you would never do but did in 2006? Help get rid of my boss!

20.) What has been your favourite moment? Probably the Albi trip a couple of weekends ago. There was probably about an hour in the entire weekend when I wasn't having a brilliant time. Holiday with my sister was cool too. Oh and the London Marathon and the 18 hours in the white van to and from the Great North Run.

21.) What's something you learned about yourself? People think a lot more of me than I tend to believe.

23.) What was your best month/months? April and May

24.) What music will you remember 2006 by? Paulo Nutini

25) Who has been your best drinking buddy? Marie. Considering about 18 months ago I thought she hated my guts, she's become quite a good friend!!

26) Made new friends? Yes - Sophie's someone I feel like I've known forever.

27) New best friend? No. But some good friends have become very good friends.

28) Favourite Night out? End of Season dinner. Bloody brilliant night.

29) Any regrets? One or two but lets not dwell on them!

So, Sunday evening is New Year's Eve. The one night of the year I utterly despise! New Year's Eve comes with far too much pressure.

Firstly, you have to decide who you want to spend New Years Eve with. If you have several different groups of friends this can be particularly difficult. This can be made even worse if you have a boyfriend/girlfriend who also has several different groups of friends and often in different cities.

Once you've decided on who you're spending it with, you've then got to decide where. Invariably there are two basic options. Both come with pros and cons. Option 1: House party. Option 2: Pub/Bar/Club

Option 1: House party

Pros:
* Free to get in
* Take your own alcohol so relatively cheap
* No closing time
* Don't have to dress up or deal with annoying bouncers

Cons:
* You're stuck with the same people all night with absolutely no chance of 'running into' another group of friends. It's also highly unlikely you'll meet anyone new.
* They're usually in the middle of nowhere which means you either have to sleep uncomfortably on someone's floor which means you start the new year, not only with a hangover but with the backpain from hell or you catch one of the most expensive taxis ever back to your own bed.
* People tend to drink far too much at house parties and someone ends up throwing up in the toilet which means if you actually need to use the toilet for reasons it was intended you have a long wait.
* Even worse someone throws up not in the toilet
* When the 'volatile' couple amongst your friends has their fight, everyone knows about it and it puts everyone in a bad mood.
* After you've tuned the telly into BBC to watch Big Ben's bongs then it's all a bit of a let down.
* You spend the entire night wondering if you'd have had more fun if you'd gone into town with your other group of friends.

Option 2: Pub/Bar/Club

Pros:
* Constant supply of music, usually quite fun and cheesy. Usually quite varied rather than the music nazi's choice from the house party.
* If you get bored with the people you're with, you can make some new friends!
* Everyone is in the party atmosphere, if there is anyone in a bad mood, they'll go home rather than hanging round like a rainy day!
* You can go to another bar if the one you're in is a bit crap

Cons:
* You have to pay to get in almost everywhere
* Drinks tend to magically go up in price
* Everywhere is packed so you queue for hours to get a drink
* At midnight some sleezy drunken vile excuse for a man seems to think its alright to invade your personal space and try to stick his tongue down your throat claiming it's a 'New Year Kiss'.
* You HAVE to have fun and can't get bored, tired and go home early!
* You spend the entire night wondering if you'd have had more fun if you'd gone to the house party with your other group of friends.

So, yes. I hate New Year's Eve. Last year was an exception. Last year I went round to Cathy's flat. We bought some snacks from Tescos and Charlie and the Chocolate Factory on DVD. We then went to 'Wok'n'Roll' for a chinese, we were in our PJs by 8:30 and spent the evening watching films, playing DVD games, watching the crap New Year's Eve telly and eating ourselves silly. At midnight, we leaned out of her window and watched the fireworks over the city.

Hopefully something similar will be happening this year but with Marie and Jon. Then on New Year's Day we'll all pile into my car and drive up to Northampton to watch some shite excuse for a rugby match...but that's another blog for another day.

Happy New Year !!!

The Good Life

2006-12-22T09:13:00.000Z

Last weekend I went to Albi to watch Worcester Warriors take on Albi in the European Challenge Cup.

I went with Darren and Tracy, friends from the rugby club, but met up with several other people we know. There was a group of around 15 of us who spent most of the weekend together.

The majority of this group are known as 'The Giraffes'. They're a group of men who are a variety of ages who enjoy rugby, enjoy drinking, enjoy singing and enjoy each others company. They're a lot of fun. In normal lives they're managing directors of companies, they're accountants, they're salesmen, they're team leaders but when it comes to the weekend and the rugby, none of that matters. It doesn't matter who does what for a living or how much money they earn or any kind of social status. The only agenda for weekends like this is to have fun.

And we did.

We started drinking about 7am at Gatwick airport where some poor kid was standing outside duty free giving away Baileys. He fast became my best friend and didn't have the heart to tell me to piss off! We then flew to Tolouse and went to a bar called 'Le Winger' where the alcoholic owner with very limited English bought us pints of Heineken and kissed us goodbye in a very continental way. After arriving in Albi and getting sorted in our hotel we went to O'Sullivans, an Irish bar just round the corner from our hotel. It's the pub in the picture and the outside had been made to look like Santas Grotto. Very cool. I don't know why when we go to foreign countries we look for Irish/British bars but we found it, it was nice. We then sat there all night and drank and sang and stood on chairs.

This set the tone for the weekend where more drinking, singing and standing on chairs ensued.

There was a rugby match at one point too!! It almost seemed a bonus in a weekend of fun and winning was the icing on the cake. The Albi supporters were very hospitable, I was invited to serve behind the bar and then got given free beer! All good!!

I've never laughed so much in one weekend. Every single minute of it was fun. It made me realise that as much as I get worked up over work or friends or men or life or anything else, at the end of the day, it is possible just to have fun.

If only all of life could be like that although I don't know if my liver could cope!

If car technology had kept up with computer technology...

2006-12-08T13:28:00.000Z

At a recent computer expo (COMDEX), Bill Gates reportedly compared the computer industry with the auto industry and stated, "If GM had kept up with technology like the computer industry has, we would all be driving $25.00 cars that got 1,000 miles to the gallon."

In response to Bill's comments, General Motors issued a press release stating: If General Motors had developed technology like Microsoft, we would all be driving cars with the following characteristics:

1. For no reason whatsoever, your car would crash twice a day.

2. Every time they repainted the lines in the road, you would have to buy a new car.

3. Occasionally your car would die on the freeway for no reason. You would have to pull to the side of the road, close all of the windows, shut off the car, restart it, and reopen the windows before you could continue.For some reason you would simply accept this.

4. Occasionally, executing a manoeuvre such as a left turn would cause your car to shut down and refuse to restart, in which case you would have to reinstall the engine.

5. Macintosh would make a car that was powered by the sun, was reliable, five times as fast and twice as easy to drive - but would run on only five percent of the roads.

6. The oil, water temperature, and alternator warning lights would all be replaced by a single "This Car Has Performed An Illegal Operation" warning light.

7. The airbag system would ask "Are you sure?" before deploying.

8. Occasionally, for no reason whatsoever, your car would lock you out and refuse to let you in until you simultaneously lifted the door handle, turned the key and grabbed hold of the radio antenna.

9. Every time a new car was introduced car buyers would have to learn how to drive all overagain because none of the controls would operate in the same manner as the old car.

10. You'd have to press the "Start" button to turn the engine off.

Dear Alcohol...

2006-12-03T20:07:00.000Z

Dear Alcohol:

First & foremost, let me tell you that I'm a huge fan of yours. My friend, you always seem to be there when needed. The perfect post-work cocktail, a beer at the game, and you're even around at Christmas hidden inside chocolates as you warm us when we're stuck in the midst of endless family gatherings.

However, lately I've been wondering about your intentions. While I want to believe that you have my best interests at heart, I feel that your influence has led to some unwise consequences:

1. Phone calls: While I agree with you that communication is important, I question the suggestion that any conversation of substance or necessity takes place after 2 a.m.Why would you make me call those ex-boyfriends when I know for a fact they do not want to hear from me during the day, let alone all hours of the night?

2. Eating: Now, you know I love a good meal, but why do you suggest that I eat a kebab with chili sauce, along with a big Italian meatball and some stale chips (washed down with WINE & topped off with a Kit Kat after a few nachos and biscuits)? I'm an eclectic eater, but I think you went too far this time.

3. Clumsiness: Unless you're subtly trying to tell me that I need to do more yoga to improve my balance, I see NO need to hammer the issue home by causing me to fall down. It's completely unnecessary, and the black & blue marks that appear on my body mysteriously the next day are beyond me.

Similarly, it should never take me more than 45 seconds to get the front door key into the lock.

4. Furthermore: The hangovers have GOT to stop. This is getting ridiculous. I know a little penance for our previous evening's debauchery may be in order, but the 3pm hangover immobility is completely unacceptable! My entire day is shot. I ask that, if the proper precautions are taken (water, vitamin B, bread products, aspirin) prior to going to sleep/passing out face down on the kitchen floor with a bag of popcorn, the hangover should be minimal & in no way interfere with my daily activities.

Alcohol, I have enjoyed our friendship for some years now & would like to ensure that we remain on good terms. You've been the invoker of great stories, the provocation for much laughter, and the needed companion when I just don't know what to do with the extra money in my pockets.

In order to continue this friendship, I ask that you carefully review my grievances above & address them immediately. I will look for an answer no later than Thursday 3pm (pre-happy hour) on your possible solutions & hopefully we can continue this fruitful partnership.

Thank you,

Your biggest fan

P.S. THINGS THAT ARE DIFFICULT TO SAY WHEN DRUNK:
1. Innovative
2. Preliminary
3. Proliferation
4. Cinnamon

THINGS THAT ARE VERY DIFFICULT TO SAY WHEN DRUNK:
1. Specificity
2. British Constitution
3. Passive-aggressive disorder

THINGS THAT ARE DOWNRIGHT IMPOSSIBLE TO SAY WHEN DRUNK:
1. Nope, no more beer for me.
2. Good evening, officer. Isn't it lovely outtonight?
3. Oh, I couldn't. No one wants to hear me sing.

2006-12-03T19:34:00.000Z

Last Friday was World Aids Day.

I sat reading The Independent as I ate my breakfast and found myself getting more and more enraged as I read it.

I don't like the Independent as a paper. It never seems to have much news in it any,ore. It is some commentary on whichever issue appears to be in Vogue that day, informs us in big letters across the front page of just how horrific this issue is, spends several pages getting on it's pappery high horse about how the government is doing nothing to fix whatever problem they've decided is the most important for that particular day.

So, on Friday the front cover read ' WORLD AIDS DAY'. Across the top of the page it said that a percentage of the money made from the sales of the paper that day would go towards fighting AIDS in Africa. At the bottom of the page there was the (red) symbol: a campaign related to the Make Poverty History campaign where huge corporate companies pretend that they're not completely soul's and are trying to help put the world to right but only because this is the new trendy way to do it.

The next few pages of the paper had several articles about the AIDS epidemic in Africa. About how horrific it was that so many people in Africa were suffering and how it was a huge problem and wasn't it time we did something about it. Each article was complete with photo of generic African orphan or group of women. Every single page was talking about how more needed to be done to fight AIDS in Africa and put a stop to it.

Friday 1st December is WORLD AIDS day. Not AFRICAN AIDS Day.

Why fight AIDS in Africa? Why not fight AIDS EVERYWHERE? It is a global problem. People in every single country in the world are suffering from HIV and AIDS. I appreciate that it is a huge problem in Africa but it is not confined to one continent.

When I as at University I did some work with a local AIDS charity called Positive Action Southwest. I met the people who worked there and the people they helped. I met and talked to several people who were suffering with HIV and AIDS.

Why, suddenly, is their suffering any less important than someone living in Africa? Yes, there are a lot more drugs available in the UK but that doesn't make the mental and emotional side of things any easier to deal with. The side effects of some of these drugs are horrific. Drugs don't always make things better. Drugs don't make them any less important.

45% of people in Britain think that there is a cure for AIDS. There isn't. It is still a death sentence wherever you live in the world.

I wore my red ribbon on Friday. I showed my awareness but somehow I feel like World AIDS Day has taken a step backwards.

Dogs

2006-11-12T16:39:00.000Z

What is it about dog walkers that makes them automatically think that every other person in the world likes dogs?

I think in life you are either a dog person or a cat person. I am a cat person. I have always had cats. I like cats. I respect cats.

I do not like dogs. At all. The occasional one is alright but they are generally horrible and smelly.
This afternoon I decided to go for a walk on the Old Hills. As we apparently live in the 'countryside' I decided to forget about my £50 a month gym membership and get back to the great outdoors.

And I was enjoying it. Striding along over the hills, admiring the views and enjoying the time to myself when out of nowhere bounds this great stinking beast of a dog completely ruining my Wordsworthian experience.

Despite a sharp entending of my foot in its direction, it leaped and barked around my feet for a while before its owners finally appeared.

"He likes you" they said. I wanted to reply with "Well I don't like it. Now remove it from my leg before I send it into orbit with one swift movement'.

I decided, however, that a sarcastic smile was probably more fitting to the occasion and let it run off back to where it belongs, hopefully via a particularly muddy puddle that'll ruin the inside of their Range Rover.

"I don't want to achieve immortality through my work... I want to achieve through not dying."

2006-10-22T21:25:00.000+01:00

The quote is from Woody Allen although it's interesting how people view their work.

I apologise now for the ramblings which are about to ensue on this posting. My head is in a mess and if I can't try to sort things out on my blog, where can I, eh?

First and foremost, I love my job. My first post in my blog was about that and how I really do enjoy what I do. I know that I'm lucky in that respect. I have done crap jobs and hated going into work and spent every second wishing I was somewhere else. Not now though. Generally, I can't seem to spend enough time at work! I work through lunch, work late, work weekends. Even now, on a Sunday evening, I'm looking at our website and seeing what needs to be changed on it. I can't wait to get to work in the morning and sort things out and get on with things.

However, firstly, I can feel my stress levels rising. I'm not sleeping properly, my whole body aches, I'm constantly tired, I have a headache and I can never seem to relax or switch off. I do try. Maybe not hard enough but I do try. It's difficult. On Friday I will have worked 19 days with 1 day off. I long for a day off but at the same time, don't want to take one because I enjoy being at work. Plus I worry that if I take a day off, I'll come back to even more work that's been plonked on my desk without me knowing what the hell it is!!

Then there's the other issue at work and this is what is hurting my head.

In July my manager left in not very nice conditions. I won't go into details but it was a very difficult and unpleasent time. My colleague and I carried on running the department with the help of a temp and all was good. The PR manager also left because she found a better job and is saving for a wedding and stuff. Then my colleague changed departments to PR and a part time member of fundraising was brought in.

The 'Powers that Be' then decided that we'd have a joint fundraising and PR manager. They also said that we'd all be involved in the process because it was important that we got on with the person and also that when the position was sorted out, members of staff would be invited to apply for it if they wanted to although this was a new role, not just a replacement for the manager(s) that left.

I do not have the qualifications or experience that they are looking for for this position. I cannot do what they are asking of this person. To be honest, I didn't believe that the person they were looking for actually existed, certainly not in the local area. I am the only member of the fundraising team that was there 4 months ago and I'm the only full time member of staff in the department. The Powers that Be have just expected me to carry on with everything regardless and for four months, I have. Not only that but I've been building on things and developing them. The longer I've been doing the job the more I've believed that actually, maybe, with a bit of training, I could be fundraising manager. Not this fundraising and PR dream manager that they're looking for but I could do a lot more than I have been doing or have been given the opportunity to do.

On Friday morning, 4 women came for interviews for the managers position.

We weren't told it was going to happen. We weren't warned. Last we knew was that they were 'still looking'. So when these women turn up to be interviewed, I was shocked, angry and hurt. What's more is that the HR manager then booked a date and rooms for a second interview, again without talking to us, which means that we're not going to be involved. At all.

On Wednesday night I went to an event and was chatting to other charities and a major national charity offered me a job. In fact, they were begging me to join them. And if they hadn't been based in central London then I'd probably be considering it.

Where I work has a huge turn over of staff and it's not at all suprising if this is how they treat them.

I'm worried that they'll employ one of these women just to have someone in position rather than actually finding the right person. Meanwhile I'm working every hour under the sun to keep the department afloat with no extra show of appreciation either financial or even verbal. They haven't asked us what we think, what we would do. The trustees sit in musty rooms gathering dust and deciding what's best for the charity and what direction we should go in. They produce bits of paper depicting our future without having the faintest idea what goes on in the day-to-day running of the place.

I think it's a case of playing it by ear. Whatever happens, I'll stay until April until after the London Marathon because I adore that event. It has been one of the most enjoyable things I have ever been involved with and I want to do it again next year.

But after that...Well. After that I'll reassess the whole situation and see if anything has changed.

So close...

2006-10-15T21:54:00.000+01:00

On Friday night Worcester Warriors took on Gloucester Rugby in a local derby. We've never beaten Gloucester and there's quite a bit of friendly rivalry.

We (Worcester) were winning for most of the game but about 20 minutes from the end, Gloucester game through to win. It's a shame we didn't win and certainly a shame we didn't even manage to scrape a bonus point out of it.

HOWEVER, at 61 minutes one of the best moments of rugby history took place:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xwHa3bthMaI

Peter Richards is one of the cockiest bastards in english rugby so to see him thrown about like a rag doll was a joy to behold!!

Gavin Quinnell is a regular rugby god!

I am a Domestic Goddess

2006-10-09T14:03:00.000+01:00

Yesterday afternoon I suprised myself. I did something which I never thought I would do.

Yesterday afternoon, instead of retreating to my bed to nurse my hangover by eating bacon sandwiches, chocolate and drinking vats of tea, I made soup.

That's right. Soup.

I never really understood the point of soup. The bizarre hybrid of drink and food always facinated yet confused me. I thought soup was what old people ate or sick people. It never quite seemed enough.

I have been proved wrong.

I made Spicy Carrot soup. It's a Weight Watchers recipe so it only has one point in it and it's REALLY nice.

I've just had it for lunch with a nice crusty roll and some low-fat crisps and I am now sitting at my desk feeling particularly smug. None of this package sandwich from Tescos or even some limp breaded product passing off as a homemade version wrapped in cling film for me. I am now a domestic culinery goddess with my homemade soup and crusty roll! Ooh, maybe I should learn how to make crusty rolls and then there'll be no stopping me.

Slap a pinny on me and call me Delia. Nigella Lawson can kiss my big fat left one!

Pictures from the Weekend

2006-10-03T15:15:00.000+01:00

Here's some pictures from the charity village at the BUPA Great North Run

BUPA Great North Run

2006-10-02T21:27:00.000+01:00

Yesterday was the BUPA Great North Run. I went up there because I work for a charity. We had about 70 runners taking part raising money for us so we hired a marquee in the 'charity village'. This is an area by the finish line which is full of marque's hired by charity and everyone decorates them and you have food and drinks and massage for your runners. It's a brilliant atmosphere and a great day.

We travelled up on the Saturday in our white van. Sarah and I shared the driving and had great fun dancing along, chatting, waving and beeping at other drivers. Two young women in the front of a white van get some funny looks!!

We stayed overnight and got very little sleep due to nightmares about my ex-manager (long story!) and the couple in the room nextdoor waking not only us up but also the people in the room next to us! We then got up at 4:30am to leave the hotel at 5:30 to make sure we were at the village, unloaded and offsite by 8:00am. We think we slightly overestimated the traffic as we were sitting in our tent, fully unloaded and parked offsite at 6:45!

Whilst our sports therapists and volunteer slept in the van, Sarah and I started making interesting displays with bottles of water, cans, packets of crisps and balloons. We got some unsuspecting young guy to bang things into the ground for us and we were pretty much ready to go by 9am.

As we stood eating cereal out of metal curry tins using tiny plastic spoons, I realised just how much I love my job!

The charity I work for provides care and support to anyone whose lives have been affected by leukaemia, lymphoma and the other allied blood disorders. Our services are available not only to patients but to family members and carers as well. I work in the fundraising department so whilst I don't see that much of the 'care' side, occasionally I understand how worthwhile my job is that I can help raise the money that lets us do this.

Once the runners started to come in thing got underway. Each one was greeted with a round of applause and a hug (I've never hugged so many sweaty men in my life!). We chatted with them and heard stories from around the race. I met people with truely amazing stories and reasons for running for us. The friends and family of our runners were there too. One of our runner's wives was there and she suffers from AML. She just kept saying thank you and how much our charity meant to her and her family.

It was a grat day. I laughed and chatted. I love meeting our fundraisers. They are all such great people.

We packed the van and got on the road at about 6:00pm. The problem with the Great North Run is that it involves about 75,000 leaving Newcastle at the same time. It was due to this that it took us about 7 hours to drive back to Worcester. I drove all the way as I was more awake. Got back into Worcester about 1:15 and was still in work for 9am!

That's what I call hardcore!!