Moving on with life - My Mid-Twenties Crisis

Okay, well once again I've failed to blog for over 2 weeks but never mind, eh? It's been an odd two weeks.

My sister got married. She's now Mrs Hannah Gordon which is incredibly exciting but weird at the same time. The wedding day went really quickly. I have no idea where time went or what I did all day. Part of me feels like I missed it, that it didn't really happen. For the past 16 months everything has been geared towards the wedding. Anything else that needed to be done was put off till 'after the wedding' and now it is after the wedding but all of the other stuff is still waiting to be done.

I went back to work and nothing had changed. I had nothing to work towards, just the usual things. Due to various reasons (which I could do a whole other post about!), I've now not seen my manager for over 3 weeks so I don't really have any direction at work.

I turn 25 in two and a half months and I'm having a bit of a crisis about it.

I've always been one to plan and right now, I have no plan. This terrifies me.

Whilst I love my job, I don't feel like it's going anywhere. Things keep changing at the office but not for me. I stay the same, do the same things. I don't feel like I have any support from people higher than me. I'm not paid much and I have no 'career ladder' to climb. It all feels completely in limbo.

I still live with my parents and can't really afford to move out. I love my parents but I want my own space. But could I cope with living on my own? I get really lonely sometimes but at the same time don't have any friends I'd want to live with, I like being on my own sometimes.

I can't really afford to buy somewhere due to the wonderful way the property market is in this country but renting seems like throwing money away. Plus on my own with my crap wage, I can't really afford anywhere half decent and I don't want to live in a hole.

And as for other life plans: husbands, kids etc. That doesn't look like it's happening any time soon. I was seeing a guy who turned out to be an arsehole. I'm not heartbroken, it wasn't exactly a long term thing but I just feel stupid for believing that he was a nice guy when clearly he wasn't. Hannah got engaged when she was 25 and whilst I know I don't have to compare myself to her, it scares me how different my life is.

So there you go, I'm about to turn 25 and am absolutely terrified about it.

My Big Sis

In 24 hours my sister will no longer be Hannah Watts. She'll be Mrs Hannah Gordon.

I'm so excited by this but at the same time it doesn't all seem real.

I'm ready for the wedding. I've had my hair cut and my skin tanned. I've had body hair removed and been wrapped in gel and bandages. I've had my nails extended and feet scrubbed. I've got my dress and shoes and jewellery. The orders of service are ready, the menus are printed, the place cards are being written. It's all happening but somehow I can't get it into my head that my big sister, my best friend, is getting married tomorrow.

I'm excited. I am excited because weddings are fun and I love a big party. I am excited because my sister is going to look beautiful. I'm excited because I get a pretty dress and have my hair done. I'm excited because my sister has found someone to share her life with, someone who completes her and makes her happy. I'm excited because I get to have a brother, someone to look out for me (he's already started by giving Hannah the third degree about the guy I'm seeing!).

I don't think it'll seem real until we're outside the church. But it'll be good.