Look into my eyes...

On Tuesday night I had an appointment with a hypnotherapist.

I'd actually won it in a raffle at a networking event I went to so I thought I'd go along and give it a go. After all, I had nothing to lose.

The one thing I want to change my life is my weight. I am happy with my job (most of the time), I love my flat and have a wonderful boyfriend. The only thing I'd love would be to be a bit slimmer. I know my problem...I have no self control. I don't necessarily eat when I'm hungry. I eat when I'm bored or just because I'm tempted by something or I 'fancy' it. I start every day saying 'I'm going to be good today' and by 3:30 I'm munching on a chocolate bar.

I talked to the hypnotherapist about this and she said she could help me. She gave me some practical advice about diet and weightloss and then we went into the hypnotherapy. I wasn't exactly sceptical but I wasn't pinning all of my hopes on it however as she talked me down I felt myself relax until the only thing I was aware of was her voice talking to me. I wasn't asleep or unconscious. I could have moved or come out of it at any point but I didn't want to.

I drove home afterwards and cooked dinner all the time wondering 'Has this worked?'. I ate with Stephen and stopped when I was full, leaving the last of it for Stephen to finish off. Yesterday morning I woke up and ate breakfast then went to work. I ate my lunch, worked all afternoon and came home. In the evening I had dinner then I had a banana before going to bed.

I did not eat anything between meals. I did not snack. I was not tempted by the plate of chocolate biscuits left in the kitchen, or the packets of crisps. I wasn't tempted by chocolate when I went to Tescos to collect a prescription. I was amazed.

I listened to the 'top-up' CD I had been given by the hypnotherapist last night although I fell asleep. I woke up this morning and had breakfast and have just eaten lunch, having had nothing in between.

I feel fantastic. I feel positive. I feel like maybe, finally, I've found something which can help me do the one thing I have always struggled to do.

A year of walking, weighing and wishing

And so another year begins. I feel different this year. I'm not so full of high hopes and wishful thinking but I am positive nonetheless.

I don't really know where I want to be by the time 2009 rolls around because I am fairly happy with where I am now.

Stephen and I celebrate 100 days together tomorrow. I can honestly say I've never been happier. He's like a dream come true. He's wonderful and sweet and funny. He makes me laugh, he makes me feel safe, he makes me feel like the most perfect woman in the world.

I've just been promoted at work so whilst I'm always keeping my eyes open for what's around, I'm happy staying here for now. New challenges mean I'm not bored and I can see a future, for the time being.

I love my flat. It really feels like home - mess and all!! I sometimes struggle to keep it tidy and understand a lot more now what my parents go through! It gets me down sometimes but I get over it and blitz it every now and then. I sometimes feel that my life is too busy to really enjoy my flat but that's not really true. I enjoy it when I'm there and the rest of the time it's just somewhere to lay my head.

The one thing I do want to change this year is my weight. I feel I say this every year and as positive as I am each year, it never quite comes true. This time Stephen and I are doing it together. We joined a gym on Saturday and have signed up to a 12 week personal training programme so that we're not just aimlessly trudging round the Cardio room. I am going to do the 7 day detox diet that I did last Summer. I lost 1st in a week last time and whilst I appreciate that that was not all fat, the quick results motivated me and kickstarted me into losing even more weight so hopefully it'll do the same this time.

Hannah and I have also signed up for the Playtex Moonwalk in May. It is a 26 mile marathon powerwalk that takes place in London...at night...in decorated bras! It's to raise money for breast cancer charities, a cause close to my heart. I enjoy walking and know that with enough motivation and training I can really do this. I felt bad about the Hydro Active. I hated running so didn't really train and whilst I'm proud I completed it and really chuffed I managed to run about half of it, I felt that I could have done better. So with walking it should be better as it's exercise that I can do every day and really enjoy.

So that's it. 2008 will be a year of discovery. A year of just seeing what happens...