"I don't want to achieve immortality through my work... I want to achieve through not dying."

The quote is from Woody Allen although it's interesting how people view their work.

I apologise now for the ramblings which are about to ensue on this posting. My head is in a mess and if I can't try to sort things out on my blog, where can I, eh?

First and foremost, I love my job. My first post in my blog was about that and how I really do enjoy what I do. I know that I'm lucky in that respect. I have done crap jobs and hated going into work and spent every second wishing I was somewhere else. Not now though. Generally, I can't seem to spend enough time at work! I work through lunch, work late, work weekends. Even now, on a Sunday evening, I'm looking at our website and seeing what needs to be changed on it. I can't wait to get to work in the morning and sort things out and get on with things.

However, firstly, I can feel my stress levels rising. I'm not sleeping properly, my whole body aches, I'm constantly tired, I have a headache and I can never seem to relax or switch off. I do try. Maybe not hard enough but I do try. It's difficult. On Friday I will have worked 19 days with 1 day off. I long for a day off but at the same time, don't want to take one because I enjoy being at work. Plus I worry that if I take a day off, I'll come back to even more work that's been plonked on my desk without me knowing what the hell it is!!

Then there's the other issue at work and this is what is hurting my head.

In July my manager left in not very nice conditions. I won't go into details but it was a very difficult and unpleasent time. My colleague and I carried on running the department with the help of a temp and all was good. The PR manager also left because she found a better job and is saving for a wedding and stuff. Then my colleague changed departments to PR and a part time member of fundraising was brought in.

The 'Powers that Be' then decided that we'd have a joint fundraising and PR manager. They also said that we'd all be involved in the process because it was important that we got on with the person and also that when the position was sorted out, members of staff would be invited to apply for it if they wanted to although this was a new role, not just a replacement for the manager(s) that left.

I do not have the qualifications or experience that they are looking for for this position. I cannot do what they are asking of this person. To be honest, I didn't believe that the person they were looking for actually existed, certainly not in the local area. I am the only member of the fundraising team that was there 4 months ago and I'm the only full time member of staff in the department. The Powers that Be have just expected me to carry on with everything regardless and for four months, I have. Not only that but I've been building on things and developing them. The longer I've been doing the job the more I've believed that actually, maybe, with a bit of training, I could be fundraising manager. Not this fundraising and PR dream manager that they're looking for but I could do a lot more than I have been doing or have been given the opportunity to do.

On Friday morning, 4 women came for interviews for the managers position.

We weren't told it was going to happen. We weren't warned. Last we knew was that they were 'still looking'. So when these women turn up to be interviewed, I was shocked, angry and hurt. What's more is that the HR manager then booked a date and rooms for a second interview, again without talking to us, which means that we're not going to be involved. At all.

On Wednesday night I went to an event and was chatting to other charities and a major national charity offered me a job. In fact, they were begging me to join them. And if they hadn't been based in central London then I'd probably be considering it.

Where I work has a huge turn over of staff and it's not at all suprising if this is how they treat them.

I'm worried that they'll employ one of these women just to have someone in position rather than actually finding the right person. Meanwhile I'm working every hour under the sun to keep the department afloat with no extra show of appreciation either financial or even verbal. They haven't asked us what we think, what we would do. The trustees sit in musty rooms gathering dust and deciding what's best for the charity and what direction we should go in. They produce bits of paper depicting our future without having the faintest idea what goes on in the day-to-day running of the place.

I think it's a case of playing it by ear. Whatever happens, I'll stay until April until after the London Marathon because I adore that event. It has been one of the most enjoyable things I have ever been involved with and I want to do it again next year.

But after that...Well. After that I'll reassess the whole situation and see if anything has changed.

So close...

On Friday night Worcester Warriors took on Gloucester Rugby in a local derby. We've never beaten Gloucester and there's quite a bit of friendly rivalry.

We (Worcester) were winning for most of the game but about 20 minutes from the end, Gloucester game through to win. It's a shame we didn't win and certainly a shame we didn't even manage to scrape a bonus point out of it.

HOWEVER, at 61 minutes one of the best moments of rugby history took place:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xwHa3bthMaI

Peter Richards is one of the cockiest bastards in english rugby so to see him thrown about like a rag doll was a joy to behold!!

Gavin Quinnell is a regular rugby god!

I am a Domestic Goddess

Yesterday afternoon I suprised myself. I did something which I never thought I would do.

Yesterday afternoon, instead of retreating to my bed to nurse my hangover by eating bacon sandwiches, chocolate and drinking vats of tea, I made soup.

That's right. Soup.

I never really understood the point of soup. The bizarre hybrid of drink and food always facinated yet confused me. I thought soup was what old people ate or sick people. It never quite seemed enough.

I have been proved wrong.

I made Spicy Carrot soup. It's a Weight Watchers recipe so it only has one point in it and it's REALLY nice.

I've just had it for lunch with a nice crusty roll and some low-fat crisps and I am now sitting at my desk feeling particularly smug. None of this package sandwich from Tescos or even some limp breaded product passing off as a homemade version wrapped in cling film for me. I am now a domestic culinery goddess with my homemade soup and crusty roll! Ooh, maybe I should learn how to make crusty rolls and then there'll be no stopping me.

Slap a pinny on me and call me Delia. Nigella Lawson can kiss my big fat left one!

Pictures from the Weekend

Here's some pictures from the charity village at the BUPA Great North Run

BUPA Great North Run

Yesterday was the BUPA Great North Run. I went up there because I work for a charity. We had about 70 runners taking part raising money for us so we hired a marquee in the 'charity village'. This is an area by the finish line which is full of marque's hired by charity and everyone decorates them and you have food and drinks and massage for your runners. It's a brilliant atmosphere and a great day.

We travelled up on the Saturday in our white van. Sarah and I shared the driving and had great fun dancing along, chatting, waving and beeping at other drivers. Two young women in the front of a white van get some funny looks!!

We stayed overnight and got very little sleep due to nightmares about my ex-manager (long story!) and the couple in the room nextdoor waking not only us up but also the people in the room next to us! We then got up at 4:30am to leave the hotel at 5:30 to make sure we were at the village, unloaded and offsite by 8:00am. We think we slightly overestimated the traffic as we were sitting in our tent, fully unloaded and parked offsite at 6:45!

Whilst our sports therapists and volunteer slept in the van, Sarah and I started making interesting displays with bottles of water, cans, packets of crisps and balloons. We got some unsuspecting young guy to bang things into the ground for us and we were pretty much ready to go by 9am.

As we stood eating cereal out of metal curry tins using tiny plastic spoons, I realised just how much I love my job!

The charity I work for provides care and support to anyone whose lives have been affected by leukaemia, lymphoma and the other allied blood disorders. Our services are available not only to patients but to family members and carers as well. I work in the fundraising department so whilst I don't see that much of the 'care' side, occasionally I understand how worthwhile my job is that I can help raise the money that lets us do this.

Once the runners started to come in thing got underway. Each one was greeted with a round of applause and a hug (I've never hugged so many sweaty men in my life!). We chatted with them and heard stories from around the race. I met people with truely amazing stories and reasons for running for us. The friends and family of our runners were there too. One of our runner's wives was there and she suffers from AML. She just kept saying thank you and how much our charity meant to her and her family.

It was a grat day. I laughed and chatted. I love meeting our fundraisers. They are all such great people.

We packed the van and got on the road at about 6:00pm. The problem with the Great North Run is that it involves about 75,000 leaving Newcastle at the same time. It was due to this that it took us about 7 hours to drive back to Worcester. I drove all the way as I was more awake. Got back into Worcester about 1:15 and was still in work for 9am!

That's what I call hardcore!!