Update

It's been a while since i last blogged. I'll do a proper update soon but I've just not felt like it.

It's almost Christmas time. I love Christmas and have been listening to christmas tunes on my ipod for a couple of weeks!

I've met a lovely man. He makes me very happy and treats me like a princess.

Work's still there!

End of update!

Keep on running!

I’ve worked at Leukaemia CARE for nearly two years and met hundreds of runners and given advice to them but personally, I’ve never taken part in a race.

On Sunday that all changed as I took part in the Hydro Active Women's Challenge, a 5km run around Hyde Park. It is organised by the London marathon office and involved 15,000 women running for all sorts of good causes.

I was running with my sister and as we lined up at the start at 11am the nerves kicked in but as we counted down and started to shuffle forwards to the start line the nerves turned to excitement. Waved across the start line by Linda Robson, my sister and I ran hand in hand, shoulder to shoulder. We ran past some of the slower runners and people who were walking the whole distance, waved on by the crowds (and some very bemused tourists!).

As we passed the 1km mark my sister gave me the thumbs up. I grinned with pride. I hate running but here I was one fifth of the way through a race. At about 1.5km I needed to walk for a bit but told my sister to go on ahead of me. I power walked for a while then just after the 2km mark started to run again. At half way there were a lot of crowds and other charities supporting their runners which again was a huge pick up. Just after 3km I saw my brother-in-law who was our one man support team! I high fived him and jogged off around the corner feeling a new life in my legs.

The rest of the course was a mixture of walking and running, I’d developed several blisters on my feet and was feeling quite dehydrated. There was quite a big hill about 500m from the finish which might as well have been Mount Everest but once I was past that I could see the finish. My legs picked up, I started to run and with 100m to go I sprinted to the finish as the announcer said ‘Well done, Alice’ over the loud speaker. As I crossed the finish line I expected to feel jubilant and excited. Actually I felt like I was going to die and nearly crashed straight into Jonathon Davies and a BBC camera crew! I soon recovered, especially as I was handed my finishers medal and goodie bag and the elation kicked in.

I completed the run in 45 minutes which I am SO proud of. I am not a runner. I hate running. I used to cheat at cross country! But I did it and I’m glad I did. I think that it just goes to show that you can do anything if you put your mind to it.

Thank you to everyone who sponsored my sister and me, if anyone else would like to sponsor us you can do it online at www.justgiving.com/aliceandhannah

Changes - Turn and Face the Strain

A lot has changed since I last blogged. It's been nearly 2 months.

Well I have moved out of the family home into my very own flat. It's lovely and it's nice to have space and my own stuff. I'm still terrified about it all but its too late now.

I feel odd today. I've been off work for a week and today is my first day back. I cannot wait for it to finish. I'm so frustrated and feel so ill. I am trying not to get irritated by everything but its quite hard!

I don't know. I thought everything would be better and that I was on the right track but actually, whilst everything is different, nothing has changed.

"Which Way Do I Go?"

One day Alice came to a fork in the road and saw a Cheshire cat in a tree.

"Which road do I take?" she asked.

"Where do you want to go?" was his response.

"I don't know," Alice answered.

"Then," said the cat, "it doesn't matter."

Smoking Ban

A smoking ban comes into force on Sunday. You won't be allowed to smoke in enclosed public spaces. So no smoking in bars, restaurants, clubs, offices, etc.

There is a massive, incredibly expensive advertising campaign to let people know about the ban.

Why? It's all over the news and has been for ages. There's articles in papers, thousands of leafelts anywhere within 10m of somewhere that sells patches so unless for the past few months you've been in some kind of nicotine induced coma, you know there is a ban coming into force.

I doubt there is a smoker in the country who hasn't had some smug, over zealous health freak come bounding up to them whilst trying to enjoy a brief moment of tar-related bliss wagging their finger and telling them that their days are numbered. It's not like they aren't aware that the ban is coming in.

Or is this stupid waste of government money just in case there are those out there thinking about taking it up as a new hobby!

Either way, I don't have any opinion on this smoking ban. I am an ex-smoker. I'm not an annoying ex-smoker who is 'reformed' and now preaching the gospel of fresh air to all an sundry. Nor am I an ex-smoker who hangs around smokey bars desperately trying to inhale nicotine passively or somehow letting it osmosise through my skin into my veins.

I don't care whether people smoke or not. I don't like stupid drunk tarts brandishing their cigarettes on the dance floor like some miniture glow stick as more often than not their spacial awareness is somewhat lacking leaving me a human ashtray. But the smokey atmosphere doesn't bother me.

In fact, whilst the majority of people are excited at the prospect of being able to go home from a night out not smelling of cigarette smoke, I am getting increasingly nervous about actually being able to smell the vile body odour and cheap aftershave of the no hopers who hang around town on a Saturday night.

God bless the government for bestowing this pleasure on us.

Like ships in the night

Isn't it strange how there are people in your life who you recognise but don't know. People who you see as you go through your life but never actually talk to. Like the muscle heads who are always using the weights area at the gym, the girl behind the bar at the nightclub, and the people you pass every morning on your way to work.

There is one girl I drive past every morning on my way to work. She wears the same thing to work every day and walks the same route. In the summer she wears a long black skirt, black vest and trainers and in the winter she wears black striped trousers, a black hoodie and the same trainers.

Over the weekend, this girl had her haircut. It looks really nice. Before she had long straight hair with no real 'style' and now it's all shaped around her face and just looks great.

I don't know this girl. I don't know her name or where she works. But part of me wants to be able to tell her that her hair looks really nice and it really suits her. But I can't. Because she wouldn't even recognise me as all I do is drive past her every day without her noticing.

Moving on with life - My Mid-Twenties Crisis

Okay, well once again I've failed to blog for over 2 weeks but never mind, eh? It's been an odd two weeks.

My sister got married. She's now Mrs Hannah Gordon which is incredibly exciting but weird at the same time. The wedding day went really quickly. I have no idea where time went or what I did all day. Part of me feels like I missed it, that it didn't really happen. For the past 16 months everything has been geared towards the wedding. Anything else that needed to be done was put off till 'after the wedding' and now it is after the wedding but all of the other stuff is still waiting to be done.

I went back to work and nothing had changed. I had nothing to work towards, just the usual things. Due to various reasons (which I could do a whole other post about!), I've now not seen my manager for over 3 weeks so I don't really have any direction at work.

I turn 25 in two and a half months and I'm having a bit of a crisis about it.

I've always been one to plan and right now, I have no plan. This terrifies me.

Whilst I love my job, I don't feel like it's going anywhere. Things keep changing at the office but not for me. I stay the same, do the same things. I don't feel like I have any support from people higher than me. I'm not paid much and I have no 'career ladder' to climb. It all feels completely in limbo.

I still live with my parents and can't really afford to move out. I love my parents but I want my own space. But could I cope with living on my own? I get really lonely sometimes but at the same time don't have any friends I'd want to live with, I like being on my own sometimes.

I can't really afford to buy somewhere due to the wonderful way the property market is in this country but renting seems like throwing money away. Plus on my own with my crap wage, I can't really afford anywhere half decent and I don't want to live in a hole.

And as for other life plans: husbands, kids etc. That doesn't look like it's happening any time soon. I was seeing a guy who turned out to be an arsehole. I'm not heartbroken, it wasn't exactly a long term thing but I just feel stupid for believing that he was a nice guy when clearly he wasn't. Hannah got engaged when she was 25 and whilst I know I don't have to compare myself to her, it scares me how different my life is.

So there you go, I'm about to turn 25 and am absolutely terrified about it.

My Big Sis

In 24 hours my sister will no longer be Hannah Watts. She'll be Mrs Hannah Gordon.

I'm so excited by this but at the same time it doesn't all seem real.

I'm ready for the wedding. I've had my hair cut and my skin tanned. I've had body hair removed and been wrapped in gel and bandages. I've had my nails extended and feet scrubbed. I've got my dress and shoes and jewellery. The orders of service are ready, the menus are printed, the place cards are being written. It's all happening but somehow I can't get it into my head that my big sister, my best friend, is getting married tomorrow.

I'm excited. I am excited because weddings are fun and I love a big party. I am excited because my sister is going to look beautiful. I'm excited because I get a pretty dress and have my hair done. I'm excited because my sister has found someone to share her life with, someone who completes her and makes her happy. I'm excited because I get to have a brother, someone to look out for me (he's already started by giving Hannah the third degree about the guy I'm seeing!).

I don't think it'll seem real until we're outside the church. But it'll be good.

Death, selfishness and grief by the book

Last weekend my Granddad died. It was sudden but I suppose, given that he was in his late eighties, not entirely unexpected.

I am incredibly upset by his death. I loved him so much and have so many happy memories. When I was growing up he used to let me get away with murder! He'd shower me and my sister with presents and we'd go to the drive through McDonalds and take their dog for walks on Cannock Chase. I used to comb his hair whilst he sat on the chair. I used to drink tea from my Errol the Hamster mug and have penguins or kit kats from the pantry. He would tell me stories about all the jobs he'd done and the people he'd met. He'd talk about his time in the war and when he met my Gran.

And now there won't be any more of that.

In all honesty there hadn't been much of that for quite a while but somehow I feel cheated. I feel like I wasn't given a chance to say goodbye and tell him how much I loved him and what he meant to me. When my other Grandpa died and when my Gran died they'd been ill for a long time and we knew it was the end. This was supposed to be a Sunday like any other Sunday when Daddy had simply gone to see him to do his duteous son bit.

But for as much as I loved him, when I was told he'd died, my first thought wasn't one of sadness or shock, it was purely selfish. All I could think was what bad timing it was. In the next few weeks there's a lot going on. Things are very busy at work, it's my sister's hen do and then wedding. My first thought was that I didn't have time for grief.

Maybe some part of this was to do with my job. I face death as a fairly common occurrence with work and not only have been taught how to deal with it but have an NVQ in Bereavement Counselling. I know how you are 'supposed' to grieve. I know the stages and I know what's normal and what's abnormal grief and yet I don't feel like that. I feel as though I should be ticking the boxes as I go through stages but I'm not.

I don't feel anything. I'm not overwhelmed with grief, I'm not sad and crying 24 hours a day. I'm not even thinking about it that much. When I'm at work I think of work things and when I'm at home I think of what's on telly or what's for supper or what washing I need to do. I do cry, but often its triggered by something completely unrelated.

I feel like I'm still waiting for it to hit me. I'm worried that after my sister's wedding at the beginning of May, when I finally stop and take a deep breath, that that's when I won't be able to cope.

Nothing like a bit of Sunshine

The sun is shining and its relatively warm. This means its spring and there is nothing which makes me happier. Not only does it mean longer days and warmer weather but I look damn sexy in my sunglasses!

So, it's time to roll the car windows down, turn up the music and get ready for the summer.

For the first time in a long time, I'm feeling truely positive.

Lack of blogging

I've not felt like blogging much recently. I keep checking back on it thinking someone might have done it for me. Like someone else can just take my thoughts out of my brain and type them out in some vaguely elloquant form on my behalf!

There's been several things I've contemplated blogging on. Here's a brief round up:

* It snowed. It took me 9 1/2 hours to get to and from London. But hey, it was a day out the office. I don't understand how the underground gets so messed up by a bit of snow. Especially when the majority of it is, as the name suggests, UNDER GROUND.

* I hate my job. I'm sick of it. Actually no. I'm sick of the people I work for. I'm sick of not being trusted. I'm sick of people having no belief in me and not being able to contemplate for just a second that I might actually be good at my job.

* We have a new kitten. He's called Harry. He's 4 months old and exceptionally cute (pictures to follow!). Unfortunately he doesn't understand how much his claws and teeth hurt against human skin and therefore the little terrorist has covered me with scratches and puncture marks!

That's about it, I think. I don't want to delve any deeper into my subconscious as whenever I do my entire body gets covered in a rush of absolute dread.

Jade Goody

I hate Jade Goody.

I believe she represents everything that is wrong with society today and living proof that television has reached it's lowest form and the people it is reaching out to are only able to communicate through some ug-language and in doing so undo thousands of years of evoultion and labour.

Jade Goody is the flakiest scab of celebrities which should be peeled off and flicked triamphantly towards the waste paper bin of eternity.

In 2002 (yes, nearly FIVE years ago), Jade Goody went into the Big Brother house. I like Big Brother. It entertains me. It's like having pets you don't have to feed. But I don't think that Big Brother should encourage anyone into the false pretense that 'real people' have of the requisites of fame. They should come along, entertain us for the summer, have a bit of publicity and then go back to some vaguely normal life and leave 'being a celebrity' to those who have a bit of talent.

There was a brief lived television series called 'What Jade Did Next'. It seemed a slightly bizarre when no one had previously bothered to answer the question of what the hell Jade ever did in the first place but now, whenever I see Jade Goody on the cover of OK! or Heat or any tabloid or even, heaven forbid, back on the television screen polluting my ear drums with her vile Bermondsy twang, I have an overwhelming urge to scream 'WHY ARE YOU STILL HERE?!?'

On the one hand you almost have to respect her. The woman has made millions for doing absolutely bugger all. She's managed to fool a large number people into caring what is going on in her life.

Apparently Jade's 'charm' is that she's 'real'. A slightly ironic statement when you consider the amount of plastic surgery she's had. Maybe it's the fact that she's 'working class', a phrase which the tabloids seem so difficult to define in an age where we're all supposed to be whipping up Nigella Lawson delights and working on our decking at the weekend. Maybe is shows us that Jade still eats pie and chips with her mates and swaps cheery banter with the green grocer and clings to all the vestiages of a lost age. If Jade is 'working class' then the working classes are demanding agents and memberships to Soho House and Cartier watches?

It worries me that every struggling school kid and now say 'Look at Jade. She can barely read, can't spell, struggles to add up and now she's buying a BMW and a flat in Primrose Hill'.

Of course for millions its just another promise the tabloids can't deliver. Jade is the spawn of the tabloid world, oblivious to the world, books and outside knowledge. And now, like some demented modern farmer, the tabloids are starting to feed themselves on their own diseased product. It is like a mother complaining that the child she's brought up on a diet of pure fizzy drinks and McDonalds is now fat and acned.

Jade has entered 'Celebrity Big Brother' and all hell has broken loose. With every day that passes I can imagine Jade's publicists have less and less hair as they all watch helplessly screaming 'Just stop talking' at the television screen.

I am sitting back watching it unfold and secretly hoping that the very television programme that launched Jade into this inexplicable superstar will be the very thing that leads to her ultimate demise.

It's a beautiful irony.

2006 - The Year That Was

Okay so Christmas is over. The mince pies are all gone, the Quality Street is almost empty (apart from the boring toffee penny ones), the comb, moustache, fake plastic nail-through-finger and spinning top from the crackers are over the dining table along with the salt and pepper and other stuff we couldn't be bothered to put away after christmas dinner. We've had a sleep and played a quiz and now it's time to turn our attention to the fact that in four days time 2006 will be over and consigned to the history books as the year that was.

And how better to reflect upon 2006 than with a cheesy quiz that someone emailed to me...

1) Where did you begin 2006? In Cathy's flat drinking pints of vodka and diet coke, eating chinese and playing music DVD quizes!

2) What was your status by Valentine's Day? Single. Someone later told me they wanted to send me a card but had no idea how to get it to me!

3) Were you in school (anytime this year)? Nope. I've worked all year. In the same job!

5) Did you have to go to the hospital? Not for treatment

6) Did you have any encounters with the police? Only through work. Not cos I'd done anything naughty! I'm a good girl!

7) Where did you go on holiday? Rhodes, with my sister. Also went to Albi (France) for a rugby game and on a rugby torunament in Reading.

8) What did you purchase that was over £500? Other than my holiday, nothing. My season ticket was just over £300

9) Did you know anybody who got married? Yep, Camilla and Chris got married. And Dave and Vicky (but I didn't go to that one)

10) Did you know anybody who passed away? Yes. Sadly.

11) Have you run into anybody you left high school with? Yes. Not that I really remembered him!

12) Did you move anywhere? Nope

13) What sporting events did you go to?Well I went to the odd Warriors match. Also went to the Guinness Premiership Final (which was good) and the Middlesex Sevens (Not so good!)

14) What was the best concert/show did you go to? I don't think I went to one. That seems quite sad. I wanted to go see Paulo Nutini but couldn't because of work.

15) Are you registered to vote? Yes

16) Who did you want to win Big Brother? Pete - He was cool.

17) Where do you live now? Worcester

18) Describe your birthday. I didn't really do anything on my actual birthday. Went out for a nice meal with parents. Couple of days later was the first pre-season at the rugby so I celebrated with my friends at that.

19) What's the one thing you thought you would never do but did in 2006? Help get rid of my boss!

20.) What has been your favourite moment? Probably the Albi trip a couple of weekends ago. There was probably about an hour in the entire weekend when I wasn't having a brilliant time. Holiday with my sister was cool too. Oh and the London Marathon and the 18 hours in the white van to and from the Great North Run.

21.) What's something you learned about yourself? People think a lot more of me than I tend to believe.

23.) What was your best month/months? April and May

24.) What music will you remember 2006 by? Paulo Nutini

25) Who has been your best drinking buddy? Marie. Considering about 18 months ago I thought she hated my guts, she's become quite a good friend!!

26) Made new friends? Yes - Sophie's someone I feel like I've known forever.

27) New best friend? No. But some good friends have become very good friends.

28) Favourite Night out? End of Season dinner. Bloody brilliant night.

29) Any regrets? One or two but lets not dwell on them!

So, Sunday evening is New Year's Eve. The one night of the year I utterly despise! New Year's Eve comes with far too much pressure.

Firstly, you have to decide who you want to spend New Years Eve with. If you have several different groups of friends this can be particularly difficult. This can be made even worse if you have a boyfriend/girlfriend who also has several different groups of friends and often in different cities.

Once you've decided on who you're spending it with, you've then got to decide where. Invariably there are two basic options. Both come with pros and cons. Option 1: House party. Option 2: Pub/Bar/Club

Option 1: House party

Pros:
* Free to get in
* Take your own alcohol so relatively cheap
* No closing time
* Don't have to dress up or deal with annoying bouncers

Cons:
* You're stuck with the same people all night with absolutely no chance of 'running into' another group of friends. It's also highly unlikely you'll meet anyone new.
* They're usually in the middle of nowhere which means you either have to sleep uncomfortably on someone's floor which means you start the new year, not only with a hangover but with the backpain from hell or you catch one of the most expensive taxis ever back to your own bed.
* People tend to drink far too much at house parties and someone ends up throwing up in the toilet which means if you actually need to use the toilet for reasons it was intended you have a long wait.
* Even worse someone throws up not in the toilet
* When the 'volatile' couple amongst your friends has their fight, everyone knows about it and it puts everyone in a bad mood.
* After you've tuned the telly into BBC to watch Big Ben's bongs then it's all a bit of a let down.
* You spend the entire night wondering if you'd have had more fun if you'd gone into town with your other group of friends.

Option 2: Pub/Bar/Club

Pros:
* Constant supply of music, usually quite fun and cheesy. Usually quite varied rather than the music nazi's choice from the house party.
* If you get bored with the people you're with, you can make some new friends!
* Everyone is in the party atmosphere, if there is anyone in a bad mood, they'll go home rather than hanging round like a rainy day!
* You can go to another bar if the one you're in is a bit crap

Cons:
* You have to pay to get in almost everywhere
* Drinks tend to magically go up in price
* Everywhere is packed so you queue for hours to get a drink
* At midnight some sleezy drunken vile excuse for a man seems to think its alright to invade your personal space and try to stick his tongue down your throat claiming it's a 'New Year Kiss'.
* You HAVE to have fun and can't get bored, tired and go home early!
* You spend the entire night wondering if you'd have had more fun if you'd gone to the house party with your other group of friends.

So, yes. I hate New Year's Eve. Last year was an exception. Last year I went round to Cathy's flat. We bought some snacks from Tescos and Charlie and the Chocolate Factory on DVD. We then went to 'Wok'n'Roll' for a chinese, we were in our PJs by 8:30 and spent the evening watching films, playing DVD games, watching the crap New Year's Eve telly and eating ourselves silly. At midnight, we leaned out of her window and watched the fireworks over the city.

Hopefully something similar will be happening this year but with Marie and Jon. Then on New Year's Day we'll all pile into my car and drive up to Northampton to watch some shite excuse for a rugby match...but that's another blog for another day.


Happy New Year !!!

The Good Life

Last weekend I went to Albi to watch Worcester Warriors take on Albi in the European Challenge Cup.

I went with Darren and Tracy, friends from the rugby club, but met up with several other people we know. There was a group of around 15 of us who spent most of the weekend together.

The majority of this group are known as 'The Giraffes'. They're a group of men who are a variety of ages who enjoy rugby, enjoy drinking, enjoy singing and enjoy each others company. They're a lot of fun. In normal lives they're managing directors of companies, they're accountants, they're salesmen, they're team leaders but when it comes to the weekend and the rugby, none of that matters. It doesn't matter who does what for a living or how much money they earn or any kind of social status. The only agenda for weekends like this is to have fun.

And we did.

We started drinking about 7am at Gatwick airport where some poor kid was standing outside duty free giving away Baileys. He fast became my best friend and didn't have the heart to tell me to piss off! We then flew to Tolouse and went to a bar called 'Le Winger' where the alcoholic owner with very limited English bought us pints of Heineken and kissed us goodbye in a very continental way. After arriving in Albi and getting sorted in our hotel we went to O'Sullivans, an Irish bar just round the corner from our hotel. It's the pub in the picture and the outside had been made to look like Santas Grotto. Very cool. I don't know why when we go to foreign countries we look for Irish/British bars but we found it, it was nice. We then sat there all night and drank and sang and stood on chairs.

This set the tone for the weekend where more drinking, singing and standing on chairs ensued.

There was a rugby match at one point too!! It almost seemed a bonus in a weekend of fun and winning was the icing on the cake. The Albi supporters were very hospitable, I was invited to serve behind the bar and then got given free beer! All good!!

I've never laughed so much in one weekend. Every single minute of it was fun. It made me realise that as much as I get worked up over work or friends or men or life or anything else, at the end of the day, it is possible just to have fun.

If only all of life could be like that although I don't know if my liver could cope!

If car technology had kept up with computer technology...

At a recent computer expo (COMDEX), Bill Gates reportedly compared the computer industry with the auto industry and stated, "If GM had kept up with technology like the computer industry has, we would all be driving $25.00 cars that got 1,000 miles to the gallon."

In response to Bill's comments, General Motors issued a press release stating: If General Motors had developed technology like Microsoft, we would all be driving cars with the following characteristics:

1. For no reason whatsoever, your car would crash twice a day.

2. Every time they repainted the lines in the road, you would have to buy a new car.

3. Occasionally your car would die on the freeway for no reason. You would have to pull to the side of the road, close all of the windows, shut off the car, restart it, and reopen the windows before you could continue.For some reason you would simply accept this.

4. Occasionally, executing a manoeuvre such as a left turn would cause your car to shut down and refuse to restart, in which case you would have to reinstall the engine.

5. Macintosh would make a car that was powered by the sun, was reliable, five times as fast and twice as easy to drive - but would run on only five percent of the roads.

6. The oil, water temperature, and alternator warning lights would all be replaced by a single "This Car Has Performed An Illegal Operation" warning light.

7. The airbag system would ask "Are you sure?" before deploying.

8. Occasionally, for no reason whatsoever, your car would lock you out and refuse to let you in until you simultaneously lifted the door handle, turned the key and grabbed hold of the radio antenna.

9. Every time a new car was introduced car buyers would have to learn how to drive all overagain because none of the controls would operate in the same manner as the old car.

10. You'd have to press the "Start" button to turn the engine off.

Dear Alcohol...

Dear Alcohol:

First & foremost, let me tell you that I'm a huge fan of yours. My friend, you always seem to be there when needed. The perfect post-work cocktail, a beer at the game, and you're even around at Christmas hidden inside chocolates as you warm us when we're stuck in the midst of endless family gatherings.

However, lately I've been wondering about your intentions. While I want to believe that you have my best interests at heart, I feel that your influence has led to some unwise consequences:

1. Phone calls: While I agree with you that communication is important, I question the suggestion that any conversation of substance or necessity takes place after 2 a.m.Why would you make me call those ex-boyfriends when I know for a fact they do not want to hear from me during the day, let alone all hours of the night?

2. Eating: Now, you know I love a good meal, but why do you suggest that I eat a kebab with chili sauce, along with a big Italian meatball and some stale chips (washed down with WINE & topped off with a Kit Kat after a few nachos and biscuits)? I'm an eclectic eater, but I think you went too far this time.

3. Clumsiness: Unless you're subtly trying to tell me that I need to do more yoga to improve my balance, I see NO need to hammer the issue home by causing me to fall down. It's completely unnecessary, and the black & blue marks that appear on my body mysteriously the next day are beyond me.

Similarly, it should never take me more than 45 seconds to get the front door key into the lock.

4. Furthermore: The hangovers have GOT to stop. This is getting ridiculous. I know a little penance for our previous evening's debauchery may be in order, but the 3pm hangover immobility is completely unacceptable! My entire day is shot. I ask that, if the proper precautions are taken (water, vitamin B, bread products, aspirin) prior to going to sleep/passing out face down on the kitchen floor with a bag of popcorn, the hangover should be minimal & in no way interfere with my daily activities.

Alcohol, I have enjoyed our friendship for some years now & would like to ensure that we remain on good terms. You've been the invoker of great stories, the provocation for much laughter, and the needed companion when I just don't know what to do with the extra money in my pockets.

In order to continue this friendship, I ask that you carefully review my grievances above & address them immediately. I will look for an answer no later than Thursday 3pm (pre-happy hour) on your possible solutions & hopefully we can continue this fruitful partnership.

Thank you,

Your biggest fan

P.S. THINGS THAT ARE DIFFICULT TO SAY WHEN DRUNK:
1. Innovative
2. Preliminary
3. Proliferation
4. Cinnamon

THINGS THAT ARE VERY DIFFICULT TO SAY WHEN DRUNK:
1. Specificity
2. British Constitution
3. Passive-aggressive disorder

THINGS THAT ARE DOWNRIGHT IMPOSSIBLE TO SAY WHEN DRUNK:
1. Nope, no more beer for me.
2. Good evening, officer. Isn't it lovely outtonight?
3. Oh, I couldn't. No one wants to hear me sing.

Last Friday was World Aids Day.

I sat reading The Independent as I ate my breakfast and found myself getting more and more enraged as I read it.

I don't like the Independent as a paper. It never seems to have much news in it any,ore. It is some commentary on whichever issue appears to be in Vogue that day, informs us in big letters across the front page of just how horrific this issue is, spends several pages getting on it's pappery high horse about how the government is doing nothing to fix whatever problem they've decided is the most important for that particular day.

So, on Friday the front cover read ' WORLD AIDS DAY'. Across the top of the page it said that a percentage of the money made from the sales of the paper that day would go towards fighting AIDS in Africa. At the bottom of the page there was the (red) symbol: a campaign related to the Make Poverty History campaign where huge corporate companies pretend that they're not completely soul's and are trying to help put the world to right but only because this is the new trendy way to do it.

The next few pages of the paper had several articles about the AIDS epidemic in Africa. About how horrific it was that so many people in Africa were suffering and how it was a huge problem and wasn't it time we did something about it. Each article was complete with photo of generic African orphan or group of women. Every single page was talking about how more needed to be done to fight AIDS in Africa and put a stop to it.

Friday 1st December is WORLD AIDS day. Not AFRICAN AIDS Day.

Why fight AIDS in Africa? Why not fight AIDS EVERYWHERE? It is a global problem. People in every single country in the world are suffering from HIV and AIDS. I appreciate that it is a huge problem in Africa but it is not confined to one continent.

When I as at University I did some work with a local AIDS charity called Positive Action Southwest. I met the people who worked there and the people they helped. I met and talked to several people who were suffering with HIV and AIDS.

Why, suddenly, is their suffering any less important than someone living in Africa? Yes, there are a lot more drugs available in the UK but that doesn't make the mental and emotional side of things any easier to deal with. The side effects of some of these drugs are horrific. Drugs don't always make things better. Drugs don't make them any less important.

45% of people in Britain think that there is a cure for AIDS. There isn't. It is still a death sentence wherever you live in the world.

I wore my red ribbon on Friday. I showed my awareness but somehow I feel like World AIDS Day has taken a step backwards.

Dogs

What is it about dog walkers that makes them automatically think that every other person in the world likes dogs?

I think in life you are either a dog person or a cat person. I am a cat person. I have always had cats. I like cats. I respect cats.

I do not like dogs. At all. The occasional one is alright but they are generally horrible and smelly.
This afternoon I decided to go for a walk on the Old Hills. As we apparently live in the 'countryside' I decided to forget about my £50 a month gym membership and get back to the great outdoors.

And I was enjoying it. Striding along over the hills, admiring the views and enjoying the time to myself when out of nowhere bounds this great stinking beast of a dog completely ruining my Wordsworthian experience.

Despite a sharp entending of my foot in its direction, it leaped and barked around my feet for a while before its owners finally appeared.

"He likes you" they said. I wanted to reply with "Well I don't like it. Now remove it from my leg before I send it into orbit with one swift movement'.

I decided, however, that a sarcastic smile was probably more fitting to the occasion and let it run off back to where it belongs, hopefully via a particularly muddy puddle that'll ruin the inside of their Range Rover.

"I don't want to achieve immortality through my work... I want to achieve through not dying."

The quote is from Woody Allen although it's interesting how people view their work.

I apologise now for the ramblings which are about to ensue on this posting. My head is in a mess and if I can't try to sort things out on my blog, where can I, eh?

First and foremost, I love my job. My first post in my blog was about that and how I really do enjoy what I do. I know that I'm lucky in that respect. I have done crap jobs and hated going into work and spent every second wishing I was somewhere else. Not now though. Generally, I can't seem to spend enough time at work! I work through lunch, work late, work weekends. Even now, on a Sunday evening, I'm looking at our website and seeing what needs to be changed on it. I can't wait to get to work in the morning and sort things out and get on with things.

However, firstly, I can feel my stress levels rising. I'm not sleeping properly, my whole body aches, I'm constantly tired, I have a headache and I can never seem to relax or switch off. I do try. Maybe not hard enough but I do try. It's difficult. On Friday I will have worked 19 days with 1 day off. I long for a day off but at the same time, don't want to take one because I enjoy being at work. Plus I worry that if I take a day off, I'll come back to even more work that's been plonked on my desk without me knowing what the hell it is!!

Then there's the other issue at work and this is what is hurting my head.

In July my manager left in not very nice conditions. I won't go into details but it was a very difficult and unpleasent time. My colleague and I carried on running the department with the help of a temp and all was good. The PR manager also left because she found a better job and is saving for a wedding and stuff. Then my colleague changed departments to PR and a part time member of fundraising was brought in.

The 'Powers that Be' then decided that we'd have a joint fundraising and PR manager. They also said that we'd all be involved in the process because it was important that we got on with the person and also that when the position was sorted out, members of staff would be invited to apply for it if they wanted to although this was a new role, not just a replacement for the manager(s) that left.

I do not have the qualifications or experience that they are looking for for this position. I cannot do what they are asking of this person. To be honest, I didn't believe that the person they were looking for actually existed, certainly not in the local area. I am the only member of the fundraising team that was there 4 months ago and I'm the only full time member of staff in the department. The Powers that Be have just expected me to carry on with everything regardless and for four months, I have. Not only that but I've been building on things and developing them. The longer I've been doing the job the more I've believed that actually, maybe, with a bit of training, I could be fundraising manager. Not this fundraising and PR dream manager that they're looking for but I could do a lot more than I have been doing or have been given the opportunity to do.

On Friday morning, 4 women came for interviews for the managers position.

We weren't told it was going to happen. We weren't warned. Last we knew was that they were 'still looking'. So when these women turn up to be interviewed, I was shocked, angry and hurt. What's more is that the HR manager then booked a date and rooms for a second interview, again without talking to us, which means that we're not going to be involved. At all.

On Wednesday night I went to an event and was chatting to other charities and a major national charity offered me a job. In fact, they were begging me to join them. And if they hadn't been based in central London then I'd probably be considering it.

Where I work has a huge turn over of staff and it's not at all suprising if this is how they treat them.

I'm worried that they'll employ one of these women just to have someone in position rather than actually finding the right person. Meanwhile I'm working every hour under the sun to keep the department afloat with no extra show of appreciation either financial or even verbal. They haven't asked us what we think, what we would do. The trustees sit in musty rooms gathering dust and deciding what's best for the charity and what direction we should go in. They produce bits of paper depicting our future without having the faintest idea what goes on in the day-to-day running of the place.

I think it's a case of playing it by ear. Whatever happens, I'll stay until April until after the London Marathon because I adore that event. It has been one of the most enjoyable things I have ever been involved with and I want to do it again next year.

But after that...Well. After that I'll reassess the whole situation and see if anything has changed.

So close...

On Friday night Worcester Warriors took on Gloucester Rugby in a local derby. We've never beaten Gloucester and there's quite a bit of friendly rivalry.

We (Worcester) were winning for most of the game but about 20 minutes from the end, Gloucester game through to win. It's a shame we didn't win and certainly a shame we didn't even manage to scrape a bonus point out of it.

HOWEVER, at 61 minutes one of the best moments of rugby history took place:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xwHa3bthMaI

Peter Richards is one of the cockiest bastards in english rugby so to see him thrown about like a rag doll was a joy to behold!!

Gavin Quinnell is a regular rugby god!