If you do one thing today...

Read 'Baldy's Blog'

http://baldyblog.freshblogs.co.uk/2008/05/back_our_campaign.html

Adrian Sudbury has been a reporter for both the Huddersfield Express and Chronicle Series and the Huddersfield Examiner. In November 2006 the 25-year-old was promoted to digital journalist, effectively editing the new-look Examiner website. Just two days into his new role he became seriously ill and called in sick. A week later he drove himself to A&E and was eventually diagnosed with leukaemia.

A couple of weeks ago he found out that his bone marrow transplant had failed and the leukaemia had returned. He has decided to abandon his treatment and spend the last few weeks of his life campaigning to get more people on the bone marrow register. In the last few weeks he has met Gordon Brown and been in national newspapers and TV.

This campaign means so much to him, it would be great if you could sign the petition and forward this to as many people as possible. This is what Adrian wrote in his email: "All I am trying to achieve is the following: A 40 minute talk to all second year sixth form students about why it is important to think about donating blood, bone marrow and organs. I hope this talk will become part of the curriculum and as part of that leukaemia will have to be covered. You could do so much in that time to explain why blood and bone marrow donation are so important in the treatment of this disease."

Reading this blog could save someone's life.

A rolling stone...

After five weeks of eating a bit more carefully and being a bit more active I am pleased to annouce that I have now lost 14 1/2 pounds at chub club. That's just over a stone. It's also 29 packs of butter - if you wanted to think of it that way.

To celebrate I bought myself this beautiful Matthew Williamson bag. It's important to reward yourself for achieving your goals.

I'm happy. Very happy. It's not actually been that difficult. I've had fish and chips a couple of times and the odd bit of chocolate. I've not felt hungry and I've certainly not felt deprived.

And more importantly, I feel like it's the start of something. I actually feel like I can do this. I feel like I can lose more weight and reach my goal. It'll take a while but I know I have the support of my wonderful boyfriend (who seems more proud and excited and I am at my weight loss!) and that he'll drag me to the gym when I get the CBAS (can't be arsed syndrome). We're going on holiday in September and I am determind, for the first time in my adult life, to wear a bikini.

So here's to a new start...

Here I Am

YES to putting in the miles while the rest of the world is asleep,
To doing what I want, when I want to do it
To pushing through the pain because giving up hurts more
YES to not being afraid to fail
To doing it for the love, not the money
To doing it for myself, my girls, my team.
YES to speeding up as I pass you at the bus stop
YES to self belief, knowing that I’m good but I can always be better
Yes to claiming my place, to challenging the rules, to playing my own game.
NO there isn’t anything I cannot do
YES to making myself heard
YES to stepping up and saying HERE I AM

Quick update...

I lost another 2lbs at Chub Club last night. I'm very pleased with this as I was expecting to either stay the same or put a bit on.

I had been fairly good last week up until the weekend. I was in London all weekend for the marathon which involved eating out or eating what I could when I could. I did do a fair bit of walking and running about on the Sunday which I think helped.

I'm going to be extra careful this week and step up my activity (I'm doing a 15 mile walk myself this weekend) in order to make sure that last weekend doesn't catch up with me at next week's weigh in.

But overall, I'm fairly chuffed!!

Weigh to go!

I had my first weigh in at Chub Club last night. I was nervous because whilst I thought I'd had a good week, it can be hard to tell.

However, climbing onto the scales I found out I'd lost................

7lbs! That's half a stone! IN A WEEK!!

I was so amazingly excited. It hadn't been hard, I hadn't been hungry. I'd enjoyed being in control of my eating and making good decisions.

I know that obviously the weight loss won't continue at this rate. I've got quite a difficult weekend coming up where it will be more difficult to eat sensibly and count points but it won't be impossible and I'll see what I can do.

I shall keep you posted on my progress but lets just say, I'm off to a good start and feeling fantastic!

Chub Club

On Monday I took the plunge and went back to Chub Club (Weight Watchers). I have failed to lose weight on my own, despite joining a gym 3 months ago. I have failed to curb my eating habits and failed to be accountable for it, complaining that I was not losing weight as I stuffed my face with chocolate and crisps.

So I'm back counting my points and weighing everything and I am feeling quite positive. This is only day three but so far it has not been as difficult as I thought it would be. I certainly feel more in control than when I tried following it last time.

I shall keep my blog updated with how it goes, especially my first weigh in next Monday.

Here's to a new start...again

Gene Genie

Today is going to be a crap day. Given the public nature of the internet I can't go into details but the next few weeks are going to be difficult, especially at work.

For the past few days I've been getting worked up about today. Whenever I think about it, I start to panic and it often brings me to tears. I know those who are important to me are thinking of me and this morning my sister sent me a text.

This text was an audio clip from Ashes to Ashes. A brilliant programme with possibly one of the best television characters ever invented: Gene Hunt!

I should hate everything about Gene Hunt. He is sexist, racist, homophobic, bigoted and generally arrogant. However, he is also incredibly sexy! I'm not the only person who thinks this either. Women of all ages across the land are swooning for this middle aged, divorced workoholic policeman and no one can really understand why!

But what I really like about Gene Hunt, apart from the fact he had some of the best and funniest lines on TV, is the fact he doesn't take crap from anyone. He is good at his job even if he is slightly unconventional about it. He doesn't take kindly to people who don't understand criticising him. He stands up for what he believes and says it like it is.

I think I can learn something from Gene Hunt. Especially today.

Right, lets fire up the quatrro

Funny man

Last night I went to see Dara O'Briain at the Hippodrome in Birmingham. I went with George and Damo as Stephen had booked his tickets before we'd met!

It was great fun. He's a very funny man and it was nice just to be entertained for an evening. My stomach muscles ache from laughing so much and every now and then a smile creeps across my face as I remember a particular joke from the show.

He's a very funny man and I'd love to see him live again sometime.

I won't bother trying to repeat any of the jokes from the show. "You had to be there!" ;-)

Love is in the air...

It's Valentine's Day today and for the first time for...well, too long, I am not single. I have had a lovely text of Stephen and this evening we are going out for dinner. We've both taken tomorrow off so that we can have a lie in and spend the day just being together.


Obviously when I was single I hated Valentine's Day. I was the same as everyone else saying it was a commercial holiday that didn't mean anything and that if people needed a special day in order to tell someone that you love them then your relationship can't be that good and blah blah blah. Now I'm on the other side of the fence then I feel bad for thinking like that.


Yes it is shoved in the face of everyone who is single but no more than Christmas is for non-Christians or Easter for diabetics.


Yes, Valentine's Day is overly commercialised but so are all holidays nowadays. Christmas, Mother's Day, Easter.


No, I don't need a day to know that Stephen loves me. He tells me and shows me every day and for that I know I am truely blessed


But tonight we will go out for dinner and celebrate because for me Valentine's Day is an excuse to eat lots of Italian food and drink a lovely bottle of wine and share a lot of laughs. I am not expecting flowers to be delivered to the office or overblown romantic gestures but I will continue to smile and look forward to my evening out with the man I love.


I do not want to push our love into people's faces but neither will I apologise for being happy.


If you're single or you don't celebrate Valentine's Day then fine, don't. Ignore it. But don't try to ruin my day because of it.

Look into my eyes...

On Tuesday night I had an appointment with a hypnotherapist.

I'd actually won it in a raffle at a networking event I went to so I thought I'd go along and give it a go. After all, I had nothing to lose.

The one thing I want to change my life is my weight. I am happy with my job (most of the time), I love my flat and have a wonderful boyfriend. The only thing I'd love would be to be a bit slimmer. I know my problem...I have no self control. I don't necessarily eat when I'm hungry. I eat when I'm bored or just because I'm tempted by something or I 'fancy' it. I start every day saying 'I'm going to be good today' and by 3:30 I'm munching on a chocolate bar.

I talked to the hypnotherapist about this and she said she could help me. She gave me some practical advice about diet and weightloss and then we went into the hypnotherapy. I wasn't exactly sceptical but I wasn't pinning all of my hopes on it however as she talked me down I felt myself relax until the only thing I was aware of was her voice talking to me. I wasn't asleep or unconscious. I could have moved or come out of it at any point but I didn't want to.

I drove home afterwards and cooked dinner all the time wondering 'Has this worked?'. I ate with Stephen and stopped when I was full, leaving the last of it for Stephen to finish off. Yesterday morning I woke up and ate breakfast then went to work. I ate my lunch, worked all afternoon and came home. In the evening I had dinner then I had a banana before going to bed.

I did not eat anything between meals. I did not snack. I was not tempted by the plate of chocolate biscuits left in the kitchen, or the packets of crisps. I wasn't tempted by chocolate when I went to Tescos to collect a prescription. I was amazed.

I listened to the 'top-up' CD I had been given by the hypnotherapist last night although I fell asleep. I woke up this morning and had breakfast and have just eaten lunch, having had nothing in between.

I feel fantastic. I feel positive. I feel like maybe, finally, I've found something which can help me do the one thing I have always struggled to do.

A year of walking, weighing and wishing

And so another year begins. I feel different this year. I'm not so full of high hopes and wishful thinking but I am positive nonetheless.

I don't really know where I want to be by the time 2009 rolls around because I am fairly happy with where I am now.

Stephen and I celebrate 100 days together tomorrow. I can honestly say I've never been happier. He's like a dream come true. He's wonderful and sweet and funny. He makes me laugh, he makes me feel safe, he makes me feel like the most perfect woman in the world.

I've just been promoted at work so whilst I'm always keeping my eyes open for what's around, I'm happy staying here for now. New challenges mean I'm not bored and I can see a future, for the time being.

I love my flat. It really feels like home - mess and all!! I sometimes struggle to keep it tidy and understand a lot more now what my parents go through! It gets me down sometimes but I get over it and blitz it every now and then. I sometimes feel that my life is too busy to really enjoy my flat but that's not really true. I enjoy it when I'm there and the rest of the time it's just somewhere to lay my head.

The one thing I do want to change this year is my weight. I feel I say this every year and as positive as I am each year, it never quite comes true. This time Stephen and I are doing it together. We joined a gym on Saturday and have signed up to a 12 week personal training programme so that we're not just aimlessly trudging round the Cardio room. I am going to do the 7 day detox diet that I did last Summer. I lost 1st in a week last time and whilst I appreciate that that was not all fat, the quick results motivated me and kickstarted me into losing even more weight so hopefully it'll do the same this time.

Hannah and I have also signed up for the Playtex Moonwalk in May. It is a 26 mile marathon powerwalk that takes place in London...at night...in decorated bras! It's to raise money for breast cancer charities, a cause close to my heart. I enjoy walking and know that with enough motivation and training I can really do this. I felt bad about the Hydro Active. I hated running so didn't really train and whilst I'm proud I completed it and really chuffed I managed to run about half of it, I felt that I could have done better. So with walking it should be better as it's exercise that I can do every day and really enjoy.

So that's it. 2008 will be a year of discovery. A year of just seeing what happens...

Update

It's been a while since i last blogged. I'll do a proper update soon but I've just not felt like it.

It's almost Christmas time. I love Christmas and have been listening to christmas tunes on my ipod for a couple of weeks!

I've met a lovely man. He makes me very happy and treats me like a princess.

Work's still there!

End of update!

Keep on running!

I’ve worked at Leukaemia CARE for nearly two years and met hundreds of runners and given advice to them but personally, I’ve never taken part in a race.

On Sunday that all changed as I took part in the Hydro Active Women's Challenge, a 5km run around Hyde Park. It is organised by the London marathon office and involved 15,000 women running for all sorts of good causes.

I was running with my sister and as we lined up at the start at 11am the nerves kicked in but as we counted down and started to shuffle forwards to the start line the nerves turned to excitement. Waved across the start line by Linda Robson, my sister and I ran hand in hand, shoulder to shoulder. We ran past some of the slower runners and people who were walking the whole distance, waved on by the crowds (and some very bemused tourists!).

As we passed the 1km mark my sister gave me the thumbs up. I grinned with pride. I hate running but here I was one fifth of the way through a race. At about 1.5km I needed to walk for a bit but told my sister to go on ahead of me. I power walked for a while then just after the 2km mark started to run again. At half way there were a lot of crowds and other charities supporting their runners which again was a huge pick up. Just after 3km I saw my brother-in-law who was our one man support team! I high fived him and jogged off around the corner feeling a new life in my legs.

The rest of the course was a mixture of walking and running, I’d developed several blisters on my feet and was feeling quite dehydrated. There was quite a big hill about 500m from the finish which might as well have been Mount Everest but once I was past that I could see the finish. My legs picked up, I started to run and with 100m to go I sprinted to the finish as the announcer said ‘Well done, Alice’ over the loud speaker. As I crossed the finish line I expected to feel jubilant and excited. Actually I felt like I was going to die and nearly crashed straight into Jonathon Davies and a BBC camera crew! I soon recovered, especially as I was handed my finishers medal and goodie bag and the elation kicked in.

I completed the run in 45 minutes which I am SO proud of. I am not a runner. I hate running. I used to cheat at cross country! But I did it and I’m glad I did. I think that it just goes to show that you can do anything if you put your mind to it.

Thank you to everyone who sponsored my sister and me, if anyone else would like to sponsor us you can do it online at www.justgiving.com/aliceandhannah

Changes - Turn and Face the Strain

A lot has changed since I last blogged. It's been nearly 2 months.

Well I have moved out of the family home into my very own flat. It's lovely and it's nice to have space and my own stuff. I'm still terrified about it all but its too late now.

I feel odd today. I've been off work for a week and today is my first day back. I cannot wait for it to finish. I'm so frustrated and feel so ill. I am trying not to get irritated by everything but its quite hard!

I don't know. I thought everything would be better and that I was on the right track but actually, whilst everything is different, nothing has changed.

"Which Way Do I Go?"

One day Alice came to a fork in the road and saw a Cheshire cat in a tree.

"Which road do I take?" she asked.

"Where do you want to go?" was his response.

"I don't know," Alice answered.

"Then," said the cat, "it doesn't matter."

Smoking Ban

A smoking ban comes into force on Sunday. You won't be allowed to smoke in enclosed public spaces. So no smoking in bars, restaurants, clubs, offices, etc.

There is a massive, incredibly expensive advertising campaign to let people know about the ban.

Why? It's all over the news and has been for ages. There's articles in papers, thousands of leafelts anywhere within 10m of somewhere that sells patches so unless for the past few months you've been in some kind of nicotine induced coma, you know there is a ban coming into force.

I doubt there is a smoker in the country who hasn't had some smug, over zealous health freak come bounding up to them whilst trying to enjoy a brief moment of tar-related bliss wagging their finger and telling them that their days are numbered. It's not like they aren't aware that the ban is coming in.

Or is this stupid waste of government money just in case there are those out there thinking about taking it up as a new hobby!

Either way, I don't have any opinion on this smoking ban. I am an ex-smoker. I'm not an annoying ex-smoker who is 'reformed' and now preaching the gospel of fresh air to all an sundry. Nor am I an ex-smoker who hangs around smokey bars desperately trying to inhale nicotine passively or somehow letting it osmosise through my skin into my veins.

I don't care whether people smoke or not. I don't like stupid drunk tarts brandishing their cigarettes on the dance floor like some miniture glow stick as more often than not their spacial awareness is somewhat lacking leaving me a human ashtray. But the smokey atmosphere doesn't bother me.

In fact, whilst the majority of people are excited at the prospect of being able to go home from a night out not smelling of cigarette smoke, I am getting increasingly nervous about actually being able to smell the vile body odour and cheap aftershave of the no hopers who hang around town on a Saturday night.

God bless the government for bestowing this pleasure on us.

Like ships in the night

Isn't it strange how there are people in your life who you recognise but don't know. People who you see as you go through your life but never actually talk to. Like the muscle heads who are always using the weights area at the gym, the girl behind the bar at the nightclub, and the people you pass every morning on your way to work.

There is one girl I drive past every morning on my way to work. She wears the same thing to work every day and walks the same route. In the summer she wears a long black skirt, black vest and trainers and in the winter she wears black striped trousers, a black hoodie and the same trainers.

Over the weekend, this girl had her haircut. It looks really nice. Before she had long straight hair with no real 'style' and now it's all shaped around her face and just looks great.

I don't know this girl. I don't know her name or where she works. But part of me wants to be able to tell her that her hair looks really nice and it really suits her. But I can't. Because she wouldn't even recognise me as all I do is drive past her every day without her noticing.

Moving on with life - My Mid-Twenties Crisis

Okay, well once again I've failed to blog for over 2 weeks but never mind, eh? It's been an odd two weeks.

My sister got married. She's now Mrs Hannah Gordon which is incredibly exciting but weird at the same time. The wedding day went really quickly. I have no idea where time went or what I did all day. Part of me feels like I missed it, that it didn't really happen. For the past 16 months everything has been geared towards the wedding. Anything else that needed to be done was put off till 'after the wedding' and now it is after the wedding but all of the other stuff is still waiting to be done.

I went back to work and nothing had changed. I had nothing to work towards, just the usual things. Due to various reasons (which I could do a whole other post about!), I've now not seen my manager for over 3 weeks so I don't really have any direction at work.

I turn 25 in two and a half months and I'm having a bit of a crisis about it.

I've always been one to plan and right now, I have no plan. This terrifies me.

Whilst I love my job, I don't feel like it's going anywhere. Things keep changing at the office but not for me. I stay the same, do the same things. I don't feel like I have any support from people higher than me. I'm not paid much and I have no 'career ladder' to climb. It all feels completely in limbo.

I still live with my parents and can't really afford to move out. I love my parents but I want my own space. But could I cope with living on my own? I get really lonely sometimes but at the same time don't have any friends I'd want to live with, I like being on my own sometimes.

I can't really afford to buy somewhere due to the wonderful way the property market is in this country but renting seems like throwing money away. Plus on my own with my crap wage, I can't really afford anywhere half decent and I don't want to live in a hole.

And as for other life plans: husbands, kids etc. That doesn't look like it's happening any time soon. I was seeing a guy who turned out to be an arsehole. I'm not heartbroken, it wasn't exactly a long term thing but I just feel stupid for believing that he was a nice guy when clearly he wasn't. Hannah got engaged when she was 25 and whilst I know I don't have to compare myself to her, it scares me how different my life is.

So there you go, I'm about to turn 25 and am absolutely terrified about it.

My Big Sis

In 24 hours my sister will no longer be Hannah Watts. She'll be Mrs Hannah Gordon.

I'm so excited by this but at the same time it doesn't all seem real.

I'm ready for the wedding. I've had my hair cut and my skin tanned. I've had body hair removed and been wrapped in gel and bandages. I've had my nails extended and feet scrubbed. I've got my dress and shoes and jewellery. The orders of service are ready, the menus are printed, the place cards are being written. It's all happening but somehow I can't get it into my head that my big sister, my best friend, is getting married tomorrow.

I'm excited. I am excited because weddings are fun and I love a big party. I am excited because my sister is going to look beautiful. I'm excited because I get a pretty dress and have my hair done. I'm excited because my sister has found someone to share her life with, someone who completes her and makes her happy. I'm excited because I get to have a brother, someone to look out for me (he's already started by giving Hannah the third degree about the guy I'm seeing!).

I don't think it'll seem real until we're outside the church. But it'll be good.

Death, selfishness and grief by the book

Last weekend my Granddad died. It was sudden but I suppose, given that he was in his late eighties, not entirely unexpected.

I am incredibly upset by his death. I loved him so much and have so many happy memories. When I was growing up he used to let me get away with murder! He'd shower me and my sister with presents and we'd go to the drive through McDonalds and take their dog for walks on Cannock Chase. I used to comb his hair whilst he sat on the chair. I used to drink tea from my Errol the Hamster mug and have penguins or kit kats from the pantry. He would tell me stories about all the jobs he'd done and the people he'd met. He'd talk about his time in the war and when he met my Gran.

And now there won't be any more of that.

In all honesty there hadn't been much of that for quite a while but somehow I feel cheated. I feel like I wasn't given a chance to say goodbye and tell him how much I loved him and what he meant to me. When my other Grandpa died and when my Gran died they'd been ill for a long time and we knew it was the end. This was supposed to be a Sunday like any other Sunday when Daddy had simply gone to see him to do his duteous son bit.

But for as much as I loved him, when I was told he'd died, my first thought wasn't one of sadness or shock, it was purely selfish. All I could think was what bad timing it was. In the next few weeks there's a lot going on. Things are very busy at work, it's my sister's hen do and then wedding. My first thought was that I didn't have time for grief.

Maybe some part of this was to do with my job. I face death as a fairly common occurrence with work and not only have been taught how to deal with it but have an NVQ in Bereavement Counselling. I know how you are 'supposed' to grieve. I know the stages and I know what's normal and what's abnormal grief and yet I don't feel like that. I feel as though I should be ticking the boxes as I go through stages but I'm not.

I don't feel anything. I'm not overwhelmed with grief, I'm not sad and crying 24 hours a day. I'm not even thinking about it that much. When I'm at work I think of work things and when I'm at home I think of what's on telly or what's for supper or what washing I need to do. I do cry, but often its triggered by something completely unrelated.

I feel like I'm still waiting for it to hit me. I'm worried that after my sister's wedding at the beginning of May, when I finally stop and take a deep breath, that that's when I won't be able to cope.